Gentlemen, I wish I didn't feel the need to explain this, but I post this hoping that some of the co-workers on my floor might miraculously read this. We're talking about toilets and what's the best approach to selecting a toilet to "bomb the harbor", "download brownware", or "drop the kids off at the pool", as it were.

 

It's very simple. Our restroom has four stalls. If you're the first person in and all stalls are available, feel free to take your choice. However, it's recommended to take a stall at either end (#1 or #4):

 

If you happen to go into the restroom and you see a stall occupied, please select the stall furthest away, or at least leave an empty stall between you and the occupied stall.

 

Now, you don't want to be this disgusting pig/slob/moron/dork/f#cking j@ck@ss. He's the guy who sees nothing wrong with plunking his overgassed rear in the stall next to an occupied stall - EVEN if an open stall is available. Ideally, he'd wait until one of the stalls is available - thus ensuring the comfort of his co-workers.

 

But sometimes we can't always time these things properly. Even so - there's a thing called a courtesy flush. It involves flushing the toilet and a little bit of good timing so as to camoflauge shall we say, the noises involved with expulsion of waste in amounts that can be measured in raw tonnage. It also sends said waste on its way, lessening the acrid stench. But - this guy doesn't know that - and his co-worker now has to go home because he's overcome by the fumes.

 

Please - I beseech you. Learn the rules. Be good to your co-workers.

Sounds like someone had a "crappy" day at work....sorry-horrible pun.

LMAO! Those images are hilarious!

I thought I had seen instructions of similar topic somewhere, facebook:

 

HOW TO POOP AT WORK

 

As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is

inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the survival guide for taking a dump at the office.

 

CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk really fast around the office so

the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't

know where it came from. Be careful

when you do this. Do not stop until the

full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell

has left your pants.

 

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and

check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may

become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

 

ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of

embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.

Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the

urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is

uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

 

JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun

pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

 

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poopm hits

the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the

bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

 

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after

you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable

moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend

that the smell does not exist. This can be minimized with the use of the

COURTESY FLUSH.

 

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the

bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

 

SAFE HAVENS: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you

can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite

sex. This will reduce the odds of a same-sex pooper entering your bathroom.

 

TURD BURGLAR: Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall

and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and

vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this

occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

 

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the

bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

 

ASTAIRE: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

 

WATERMELON: A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet

water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon

coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

 

HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in

the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough

with an Astaire.

 

UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could

spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot.

An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you

should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as

well as the other bathroom attendees.

 

This thread is extra hilarious with just a little alcohol!

God, white people are disgusting.

HAHA. There's a few laws that should be layed out with urinals too.

HAHA. There's a few laws that should be layed out with urinals too.

 

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/urinal.php

This should be a sticky.

That is F-in hilarious.

craptastic