This just happen to me today.

There are only four people in the office today and three of them are at lunch.

 

**********

 

 

me: "Hello, University Architect's office."

 

not me:  "Hey, how do I get tickets to the Monster Truck Show?"

 

me: "Probably through a ticket agent."

 

not me: "Huh?"

 

me: "You have the wrong number, sir."

 

not me: "Oh. How do I get tickets to the Monster Truck Show?"

 

me: "I imagine you could get them through a ticket agent."

 

not me: "huh?"

 

me: "You have the wrong number sir, this is the University Architects Office.

 

not me: "You don't sell tickets the Monster Truck Show?"

 

me: "No sir, we tell people what to build."

 

not me: "What?!? Oh, um - Ok."

 

 

Two Minutes Later

 

me: "Hello, University Architect's office."

 

not me:  "Hey, I want tickets to the Monster Truck Show?"

 

me: "Have you tried a ticket agent?"

 

not me: "A What?"

 

me: "You have the wrong number, Sir."

 

not me: "grrrrr."

 

 

Two Minutes Later

 

me: "Hello, University Architect's office."

 

not me:

*background yelling with muffled female voice*

"Shut up, I'll take care of it!"

 

me: Hello?

 

not me (female): Hello, is this the number where we can order tickets from?"

 

me: "No Ma'am. You have the wrong number."

 

not me (female): "grrrr!"

 

not me (male in background): "See, I told y..."

 

*Click*

 

 

Once upon a time I worked in an office in a factory complex that had its own telephone exchange. The company exchange number was one digit away from the exchange for the city-county building, and judging from the calls I got, my four-digit extension was the same as the county board of health.

 

I often got calls from people wanting to know the results of their STD tests, and always resisted the temptation to tell them it was positive and they had six months to live. Instead, I just told them they had the wrong number and suggested they dial it with a 427 instead of a 428.

 

One afternoon a possibly somewhat inebriated guy called, though, demanding to know why I denied his septic tank permit.

 

Me: "Sir, you have the wrong number."

 

Him: "Don't give me the runaround, you sonofabitch! I oughta come down there and pound your face in."

 

Me: "I'm waitin' for you, asshole. But you better bring a bucket."

 

Him: <pause, then bewildered-sounding> "What for?"

 

Me: "To carry your ass home in."

 

Click: (Me, hanging up on him)

 

I probably should have called the board of health to give them a heads up, or maybe I should have headed down there on the double to watch. I don't know if he went, or not.

Me: Thank you for calling Fulton County Department of Family and Children Services.  How may I assist you?

 

Caller: I was born by the Immaculate Conception in the Year of Our Lord 1962.

 

Me: Huh?  I mean, sir...how may I assist you?

 

Caller: I was born by the Immaculate Conception in the Year of Our Lord 1962.

 

Me: Sir, are you calling me from the 13th Floor at Grady Hospital?

 

Caller: Yes.  As a matter of fact I am.  There's a fat nurse that is trying to hurt me.  I am calling because I was born by the Immaculate Conception in the Year of Our Lord 1962.

 

Me: Sir, may I please speak to a nurse?

 

Caller:  Yes.  Indeed you can ma'am. (He then calls for the nurse).

 

Nurse: Hello? 

 

Me:  Ma'am.  This is ____ with Fulton County DFACS.  A man just called me...

 

Nurse:  I know.  One of the nurses let him use the phone.  Honey, you should have just hung up on him.  He does this all the time.  Have a great day. 

My favorite ever:

 

Me: "Thanks for calling [store name], how can I help you today?"

Old Lady: "I NEED THE PHONE NUMBER TO THE INTERNET!"

 

<i>Sure, one moment - let me look in the phone book under "I"</i>

At least your cell phone number wasn't last used by some man-whore. So far I've gotten three calls from people wanting sex.  :behind:

Here's one my baby's mommy just sent me about a phone call she just received.

 

 

 

"Continuing Education, how may I help you?"

 

PAUSE

 

 

"listen, I don't know who you are but someone over in campus 411 needs to get their ass out of their hole.  (silence) .... I mean their head out of their ass because everytime I call they transfer me to you and you're not who I need'.

 

^There's only been a few times in my career where I've had to say this but for things like that, I have no qualms saying "I'm sorry - that tone may work with your loved ones, but it's not going to fly with me. I suggest you find a way to be civil if you want any help. Goodbye!".

I have one of these stories.

 

A long time ago, I had a job where I worked as the department secretary for a division of the school of medicine at a large university.  As the gateway to the dept, I answered the "general" number as part of my job.  We also had an 800 number for the department which was on all our marketing materials and website, which we had had for years.

 

I started getting all kinds of calls one month for people saying they had a problem with their phone.  After like the 10th call from different people on different days, I started probing further.

 

At some point, it seems the west-coast telephone company Pacific Bell started publishing our 800 number ON THEIR BILLS.  The customers would literally read me the number from their bill and it was our 800 number.  It sure was fun trying to explain to these people that I am just some secretary in Ohio, I'm really not the  phone company and I can't help them and then they'd hang up and call back, etc.

 

Just imagine trying to track down who, in the massive conglomerate that is the phone company, is responsible for this. 

 

I pestered everyone I could at Pacific Bell but nobody ever answered me.  I'm sure they thought I was some kind of nut job.  And the customers still didn't have any service. I ended up finding the CORRECT number on their site and providing it to people when they called, which was about 10x a day.  The calls went on for months.  We finally had to change our 800 number.

One wrong number call I can see, if they did it again, I would have taken all their information, told them the tickets were in the mail, and then let them miss the monster truck show!!!

When I worked at Old Navy as a cashier, this girl asked me if she could get the "cute girl discount" and batted her eyelids. I told her shes getting the ugly girl surcharge.

Once upon a time I worked in an office in a factory complex that had its own telephone exchange. The company exchange number was one digit away from the exchange for the city-county building, and judging from the calls I got, my four-digit extension was the same as the county board of health.

 

I often got calls from people wanting to know the results of their STD tests, and always resisted the temptation to tell them it was positive and they had six months to live. Instead, I just told them they had the wrong number and suggested they dial it with a 427 instead of a 428.

 

One afternoon a possibly somewhat inebriated guy called, though, demanding to know why I denied his septic tank permit.

 

Me: "Sir, you have the wrong number."

 

Him: "Don't give me the runaround, you sonofabitch! I oughta come down there and pound your face in."

 

Me: "I'm waitin' for you, asshole. But you better bring a bucket."

 

Him: <pause, then bewildered-sounding> "What for?"

 

Me: "To carry your ass home in."

 

Click: (Me, hanging up on him)

 

I probably should have called the board of health to give them a heads up, or maybe I should have headed down there on the double to watch. I don't know if he went, or not.

 

So Rob, you're sweet and innocent, huh?

So Rob, you're sweet and innocent, huh?

 

Most of the time.

 

There are only two times when I get p!ssed off; when things don't go right, and when I don't get my own way.

 

You'll never meet anyone who has seen me lose my temper, though, because when I do, there are no survivors. :shoot:

So Rob, you're sweet and innocent, huh?

 

Most of the time.

 

There are only two times when I get p!ssed off; when things don't go right, and when I don't get my own way.

 

You'll never meet anyone who has seen me lose my temper, though, because when I do, there are no survivors. :shoot:

 

:-o

 

Alrighty then!

My direct line used to be one number off from the maintenance department in a large office complex.  I got non-stop calls regarding no toilet paper, leaky faucets, etc.  Finally I just let the people talk and told them I'd get right to it. Before that my number was almost the same as a now defunct department store--I Magnin.  I got constant calls from people regarding their charge accounts.  Mostly befuddled elderly ladies.  When I told them they had the wrong number they would usually get mad at me, and want to know why I wouldn't help them..still can't figure that one out. 

To those of you who "whistle while you work" - don't. Please. It's not cute, it's infuriating.

 

To those of you who have a question - don't just plop down in my guest chair and ask it. I might actually be doing something besides waiting for you to interrupt me.

 

To those of you who might be working on a project and you'll eventually need something from me - it's probably not a good idea to give me attitude the first time I call you.

 

To those of you who are chatty at 4:50pm and I have my coat on, my iPod in hand and my gym bag - don't be surprised if I start walking away. I'm not being rude - YOU are.

 

To those of you who "save your sick days" for when your kids get sick and come to work sounding like a bleating, sniffling yak - remind me to save my vomit for your desk.

 

 

 

To those of you who "save your sick days" for when your kids get sick and come to work sounding like a bleating, sniffling yak - remind me to save my vomit for your desk.

 

hey, cut us breeders some slack.  One of the most annoying thing about having kids is when you have to take a vacation because he/she is sick.

Hey, cut us healthy people some slack, and stay the h#ll away from me when you KNOW you're a walking ball of contagious biohazard mucous! I wasn't the one who decided to spawn a little petri dish or three, so don't make ME suffer! And especially - don't think I'm being standoffish when I ask you to stay out of my cube! And not only the spreading illness factor - like having to listen to someone cough and spew their brains out all day isn't just as annoying? Pffft!  :-P

Hey, cut us healthy people some slack, and stay the h#ll away from me when you KNOW you're a walking ball of contagious biohazard mucous! I wasn't the one who decided to spawn a little petri dish or three, so don't make ME suffer! And not only the spreading illness factor - like having to listen to someone cough and spew their brains out all day isn't just as annoying? Pffft! :-P

 

hey, i'm trying to repopulate the city!! (baby #2 was due yesterday). I think you should be a little more tolerant with the city residents. Feel free to unleash your rage on all the sick Westlake parents, but cut us urbanites some slack. Deal? ;)

Oh well THAT's different. ;-) Repopulate away, just quarantine yourselves when you have to come to work sick! :-)

 

And congrats - or soon-to-be congrats! :clap:

 

 

Hey, cut us healthy people some slack, and stay the h#ll away from me when you KNOW you're a walking ball of contagious biohazard mucous! I wasn't the one who decided to spawn a little petri dish or three, so don't make ME suffer! And especially - don't think I'm being standoffish when I ask you to stay out of my cube! And not only the spreading illness factor - like having to listen to someone cough and spew their brains out all day isn't just as annoying? Pffft!  :-P

 

If okay with you HBIC, I'm going to use part of this in my staff meeting.  Right now there are two sick employees in the office and i've told them time and time again to stay home.  Especially when everyone can log into their PC remotely.

 

hey, i'm trying to repopulate the city!! (baby #2 was due yesterday).

3231.  Congrats!!!  It seems just like yesterday, you were looking for a home;  you and your wife announced you expecting, now tax deduction number 2 is here, albeit a lil late.   

 

I tell you, you kids grow up so fast. I'm all verklempted.

To those of you who have a question - don't just plop down in my guest chair and ask it. I might actually be doing something besides waiting for you to interrupt me.

 

I've found that setting something on empty chairs curtails this type of behavior. :wink:

True, but I like to keep my cube tidy... and did I mention I have a collection of evil guardians to keep stupidity away?

 

 

Even so, people still must mistake me for a "nice" person  :wtf:

True, but I like to keep my cube tidy... and did I mention I have a collection of evil guardians to keep stupidity away?

 

 

Even so, people still must mistake me for a "nice" person  :wtf:

 

I'm just going to pray.  Pray very hard for you!  Hard and long.  I'll even sacrafice a cup of coffee to save (whats left) of your soul.

You do that.

 

i'm totally walking over to mayday's building right now, to sit in his chair, cough on him and bullshit with him (its 4:55 now)