If you think Cleveland is a bad place for a (straight) guy to date, it can't get much worse than Cincinnati. Women here seem to assume you're gay if you:

-Don't own a car

-Live downtown

-Drink wine in a bar

-Dress "fancy" (i.e., the occasional collared shirt, khakis instead of jeans)

-Aren't obsessed with the Bengals, etc.

I guess these are all aspects of Midwestern culture, but still...I grew up in an Illinois college town, spent my college years at (notoriously gay) Vassar and in London, and only since I moved to Cincinnati this year have I been (frequently) hit on by gay guys and even had women try to set me up with their gay friends! (But you were drinking wine!...) Am I alone in having these experiences? The gay guys and their "hags" are highly concentrated downtown and VERY aggressive. If only the hot, straight women were the same way!

 

Interesting... Maybe you are coming across as sexually murky for some reason. I've never been mistaken for being gay -- not regularly to my knowledge at least -- and my primary interests are reading, writing, art, cooking, music and even fashion and design to a lesser degree. I'd rather watch a documentary than go to a Browns game.

 

At first I was thinking you should be "more clearly" straight, but as I thought about it more, my thought is just do your thing. If a girl or guy mistakes you for being gay, just be positive and use it as a chance to try to meet some girls. "Oh, you know what, I'm not gay. I'm actually looking to meet some pretty girls like you around here. Have you seen any?" 

 

Let me know if that works. hahaha

are you from Colerain or something?

 

Urbana, IL. I think I've heard of a Colerain Road, but I'm (slightly proudly) ignorant of every neighborhood in Cincinnati greater than 2 miles from downtown (unless Clifton/Northside count). Arty nerds (metrosexuals) do seem weirdly misconstrued in this town, and I've had a few colleagues or neighbors admit this is more true here than even other Midwestern cities. Although I suppose it might send a message to the female co-workers when I leave work early every Saturday night to go solo to the symphony.

I would love to know how you guys feel about internet dating.

The jury is still out for me. I've tried Match.com, eHarmony, Chemistry.com and Date.com. I've had so-so luck, meeting a couple of women who turned out to be good friends, but none have yanked my heart strings. They also aren't terribly attractive. Maybe my pictures aren't the best -- I can't seem to take a decent picture. I seem to get more attention from prettier women when I'm out and about, but I'm so shy that I have a hard just walking up to them and introducing myself or asking them out.

 

I wonder if there's a dating coach out there, because I'm damn lonely -- made worse by my quitting drinking and smoking in recent years (I'm no longer 'medicating' myself). I'm getting to a real good place in rebuilding my self-esteem, so who knows....

 

I'm going to Great Expectations tomorrow and we'll see what happens.

KJP - the quitting smoking thing is tough. I've tried and I can't seem to make it through the first week. I figure life punishes me enough, why would I make myself suffer.  :-D I wish you luck with trying to find someone but my experience is that it has almost turned into a game. Doesn't anyone believe in true love and relationship anymore?

Interesting question. It doesn't have a stigma to me because it has grown so much in popularity. A couple of my very attractive girl friends have tried it out, for example. I've tried it twice: The first time was right out of high school in college, and it was a little "Oh, gee, you don't look anything like that picture you took of yourself......" The second time was actually last year, and it didn't go that bad, but we didn't hit it off.

 

My problem with Internet dating has more to do with logistics. If you want to be with someone, you have to be attracted to them. The most efficient way to determine that is face-to-face, and the most efficient/productive way is to walk up to someone, talk to them and decide if you like them or not. And determine if they like you! With online dating, you've got to go through this long process of nabbing attention and working through communication, and realistically it could take a week or more to meet someone for coffee. So then you get to the coffee shop, know everything about this person but realize you have no sexual attraction at all.

 

I think the best way to do it is to approach women you find attractive, learn a little bit about them and then if you like them and they appear to be showing interest, escalate and then ask them out. All this could take minutes rather than days, and if you get rejected, big deal, you'll probably never see her again. Of course, it sounds easy but it is really the harder method. I think the Internet can be an emasculating crutch and damages your self-esteem when you fail, rather than building it up, like it would if you had asked face-to-face and confronted a fear of rejection.

 

 

I'm petrified to do the internet thing.  Everyone wants a picture and the judge you based on that one dimensional picture.  Its all about the physical with no regard to other attributes a person might have.

 

I've only heard so-so or horror story's from people who have used an online dating service.  Also, I'm not a fan of myspace or facebook.

 

 

This is where my question basically comes from. It seems that it is harder than just meeting someone out in the public in person. People are very rarely who they say they are. I've come across some people who I might have as friends but you're right about the picture thing. A picture is what they base everything on. How did it get so crazy. I have also found people who don't have much to offer in the "aesthetics" department themselves be very critical of others in the same position. It's a wierd medium. Also a lot of married or attached people on some sites.

This is where my question basically comes from. It seems that it is harder than just meeting someone out in the public in person. People are very rarely who they say they are. I've come across some people who I might have as friends but you're right about the picture thing. A picture is what they base everything on. How did it get so crazy. I have also found people who don't have much to offer in the "aesthetics" department themselves be very critical of others in the same position. It's a wierd medium. Also a lot of married or attached people on some sites.

 

yeah and don't forget the bisexuals

This is where my question basically comes from. It seems that it is harder than just meeting someone out in the public in person. People are very rarely who they say they are. I've come across some people who I might have as friends but you're right about the picture thing. A picture is what they base everything on. How did it get so crazy. I have also found people who don't have much to offer in the "aesthetics" department themselves be very critical of others in the same position. It's a wierd medium. Also a lot of married or attached people on some sites.

 

yeah and don't forget the bisexuals

 

Yes, please don't forget us. Nor that our kind, as well as gays, non-Christians, divorced people and people who don't answer the survey that they're appropriately "happy enough" aren't allowed to post on e-harmony.  You guys DO know that they were started by some really conservative whacko Christian types, right?

 

I wrote an article about my experience on match.com which, from a female's perspective, was like the perfect dating vehicle.  No longer did a guy have to waste his money buying me a drink or me waste my time talking to him when I knew it would never go anywhere.  No more hunting and hunting to just find someone I could have a conversation with, who knew some of the same things that I did, etc.  You can create specific criteria of the type of person you're interested in, down to the zip codes you'll consider.

 

The minor problem with it was people wanting to talk to you even though they don't meet your qualifications.  "I have kids, but I'm a widower and an awesome Dad!"  I'm sorry about your loss buddy but I'm still not interested.  "I know you said only Ohio and I live in (XYZ) but I travel there a few times a year/I like long distance relationships" (who cares what you like?), etc.  Though they are easily dismissed.

 

I made some great friends (though admittedly the friendships didn't last when I got into a long term relationship) and went on a lot of great dates as well as some mediocre but "no harm-no foul" type of dates and recommend it to anyone who is looking.  I'd go back to it tomorrow if I were single.

 

 

hmmm.. You can never be sure.. You get a description of a 5 foot 3 inch blonde with a gorgous figure and she turns out to be a 3 foot 5 inch midget with george's (from seinfeld)figure. .. gots to be careful..

This from the viewpoint of an older midwestern gay man; I'm not even talking about the guys who use internet personals in a quest for revolving-door hookups. If that's your thing, go for it. I've aged out of my slut period.

 

I've browsed lots of internet personal ads but I've never responded to any; I get the sense that they're not that much different from the personal ads that more commonly appeared in magazines and newspapers in the past, and my experience with forays into that world when I was younger didn't provide me with much incentive to keep coming back.

 

I think that a lot of times, personal ads are the last refuge of the desperately lonely. The people who have their sh1t together are out doing creative, productive, interesting things and meeting people in the process. People who run personal ads claiming to seek "that special someone" often are looking for Mr. Right to step in and transform their sucky lives into eternal ecstatic joy. Once you're snared, fail to meet their expectations and you'll be denounced for disappointing them. Getting too close to them is like a marginal swimmer trying to save a drowning person; they'll grab onto you and suffocate you and drag you down with them.

 

Not everyone is cut out for close relationships; most of all I've enjoyed some long-term affairs. The most recent one lasted almost 20 years, although it seems to have gone dormant lately. I'm not afraid of commitment. It's just that commitment doesn't mean signing over ownership of my soul, and thus far I haven't met up with anyone who shares that understanding and finds me desirable. I'm not going to put my life on hold while I search for a boyfriend.

 

Instead, I'll just go on spending hours on urban forums. :roll:

I've tried internet dating a few times and each turned out to be a nightmare!

This from the viewpoint of an older midwestern gay man; I'm not even talking about the guys who use internet personals in a quest for revolving-door hookups. If that's your thing, go for it. I've aged out of my slut period.

 

I've browsed lots of internet personal ads but I've never responded to any; I get the sense that they're not that much different from the personal ads that more commonly appeared in magazines and newspapers in the past, and my experience with forays into that world when I was younger didn't provide me with much incentive to keep coming back.

 

I think that a lot of times, personal ads are the last refuge of the desperately lonely. The people who have their sh1t together are out doing creative, productive, interesting things and meeting people in the process. People who run personal ads claiming to seek "that special someone" often are looking for Mr. Right to step in and transform their sucky lives into eternal ecstatic joy. Once you're snared, fail to meet their expectations and you'll be denounced for disappointing them. Getting too close to them is like a marginal swimmer trying to save a drowning person; they'll grab onto you and suffocate you and drag you down with them.

 

Rob, you and I (and I presume some others) are from another generation.  The internet/new media/digital distribution has changed our lives and made us more "connected" than ever.  Although I'm more a "people watching from a corner" type a guy, I would, prefer old fashion socializing.  I tried "speed dating" AKA, "I'm drunk, impress me in 5 to 10 minutes" but thats another story.

I guess I've had a different experience with internet/personals dating than some of you. In the past, I've replied to ads as well as posted them and it generally worked for me because like rockandroller said, it was pretty easy to skim over someone's reply and at least get an idea. Granted there's that whole part about actually arranging a date and meeting them and then seeing how that goes, but it helped me eliminate the people who obviously didn't read my ad in detail. No thanks, I'm not (nor have ever been) really looking for anything involving clamps :-o I posted an ad because I usually didn't get approached out at bars or other social events - I'm not shy, and I'm approachable but I'm not the type to just walk right up and strike up a conversation. If I did get approached, it was from someone who should have asked me 10 drinks ago, 30 years ago, or at least waited until the loose strings from their last relationship were wrapped up. I mean, usually an "open relationship" means that BOTH people in the couple have agreed to those terms :roll: My experience from online dating resulted in one relationship that lasted four years and another for a year and a half (and some nice dates).

 

One thing I noticed was that it was pretty clear who was looking for a quickie (nothing wrong with that), who was just looking to meet new people and see what happens (my category) and those who like Rob said, were hoping to find a knight in shining armor (gimme a break!). And yes, there's a certain focus on the physical but how is that different from going to a bar, going to a party, going to a volunteer event, etc. and finding someone attractive? Like chocolatepkg said, I think some people have ridiculously absurd standards - it's fine to have them but either be reasonably flexible or quit b!tching and blaming the world that you're lonely; and be reasonable about what you have to offer someone and where you are in your life. Everyone has baggage but it should be able to fit in the overhead compartment, if you get my drift. If it doesn't fit in the overhead compartment, your time is probably better spent dealing with that.

 

Ken, I don't think you need a dating coach - I think you need to work on being comfortable being by yourself. When I posted my ad, the header was "alone, not lonely". Sure, there were times where I was bummed (and then some), but I was going to be damned if I was going beat myself up because I wasn't seeing anyone. Life beats everyone up on its own, and it didn't need my help. I know it isn't easy, because believe me I've been there but women are usually pretty perceptive - especially when it involves an unhealthy lack of confidence. It may not come across in an obvious way, but it will show. I'm not advocating a curmudgeonly "take it or leave it/screw the world" mentality but just a "hey, I'm okay being alone but it'd be nice to find someone to hang out with".

 

"Ken, I don't think you need a dating coach - I think you need to work on being comfortable being by yourself. "

 

That, of course, is exactly what I told him too :) 

^ that and select or consider a women close to your age! I have no idea what your tastes are but many single men your age want a 25 year old women and wonder why they are alone.

I am in agreement with just about everything everyone has to say. I think I could get into the "singles" night kind of thing at a local restaurant or bar, or grocery store or something. That sounds like it might be interesting. They used to have a group here in Cinti but I'm not sure if they're still around.

^ that and select or consider a women close to your age! I have no idea what your tastes are but many single men your age want a 25 year old women and wonder why they are alone.

 

Sure, tell that to the Cougars.

^ that and select or consider a women close to your age! I have no idea what your tastes are but many single men your age want a 25 year old women and wonder why they are alone.

 

Sure, tell that to the Cougars.

 

This is a strange phenomenon. Last two times I went to a bar by myself, 30+ year old women offered to pay for MY drinks. I won't go to a bar by myself anymore because cougars love to come over and c*ckblock.

 

a 30 year old is a cougar now? oh lord. But I agree. Same thing- I know women my age with a thing for 25 year old guys wondering why they can't find that special someone.

But isn't the truth that you "guys" are looking for the 25 or under 30 something female. So women over 30 don't usually get paid that much attention. I think the pushy older women are annoying though (I'm a woman) because they seem to be oblivious. Especially the ones that might just happen to have the younger type bodies. Based on what I've seen and heard, you guys eventhough you might not be into them the fact that they are throwing themselves at you, you can't resist. So they get what they wanted anyway. Thoughts.

"Ken, I don't think you need a dating coach - I think you need to work on being comfortable being by yourself. "

 

That, of course, is exactly what I told him too :) 

 

I agree, and some of my friends say they've already seen a change in me since I quit smoking five weeks ago (even in just the last few days). They say I'm more relaxed and more interested in going out and having fun. I've lost weight (I've never lost weight after quitting smoking before), am eating healthy and exercising. The few times I used to go out, I would look for the unhappy couples to justify my horrible feelings about relationships. Now, I look for the happy couples so I can see a more positive goal. I'm opening up a lot about my feelings (so if you don't want to read this, too bad -- scroll to the next message!!) and wearing them on my sleeves. I'm not even ashamed anymore to admit that I've never been in a relationship. I'm caring less about my past all the time. I still have a little panic in my chest about being alone (it wasn't there when I smoked), and the more I get out and do things with other people the panic is slowly fading.

 

I don't know if Internet dating will be worth it, but it's one of the things I'm willing to try. I get family and friends to review my profile and offer suggestions to more accurately portray who I am. I also find Internet dating to be educational to see who's out there and what they like doing. I even interviewed this morning with Great Expectations, but they're way too expensive for me ($5,000+). I'd rather get involved in some social activities and clubs that I'm interested in. Then, we'll see....

"I'm opening up a lot about my feelings ... and wearing them on my sleeves. "

 

Just be sure you're not wearing neon dayglo sleeves, if you get my drift. Again, we all have baggage, and "putting it ALL out there" can be a bit overwhelming when you first get to know someone. One of my internet dates (that went no further than a first date) involved the guy telling me he was: in a relationship for three years that ended a week ago; a recovered alcoholic; was fired from two jobs because of his drinking; wasn't out to his parents; wasn't out at work; filed for bankruptcy a year ago; was allergic to cats; had his appendix out; had $60K in student loans and other debt; had laser resurfacing on his forehead; had spent a lot of time in bathhouses; had hooked up with over 200 guys; the measurement of certain parts of his anatomy (I wasn't impressed)... and that and more was over a CUP.OF.COFFEE. Mind you, I was glad to know his trainwreck story before I considered dating him but waaaaay too much information! :-o

I even interviewed this morning with Great Expectations, but they're way too expensive for me ($5,000+). I'd rather get involved in some social activities and clubs that I'm interested in. Then, we'll see....

 

WHAT!!  5k???  Thats straight pimpin' - not a dating service!

But isn't the truth that you "guys" are looking for the 25 or under 30 something female. So women over 30 don't usually get paid that much attention. I think the pushy older women are annoying though (I'm a woman) because they seem to be oblivious. Especially the ones that might just happen to have the younger type bodies. Based on what I've seen and heard, you guys eventhough you might not be into them the fact that they are throwing themselves at you, you can't resist. So they get what they wanted anyway. Thoughts.

 

That's sounds awfully bitter, chocolatepkg. I should know, I perfected bitter. First off, there is no such thing as "you guys." Yes, some guys in their 30s, 40, 50s want the younger women, or the younger-looking women. Some don't. If one threw herself at me, could I resist? Maybe. In the interest of full disclosure, I did succumb to a woman who was nine years younger than me when I was 34. I won't lie, it was fun but I was also drinking a lot at the time. It wasn't love. That's not what I want, and if someone having flings with younger women and never being in love is what the rest of my life will be, then I will be very unhappy. I want the big enchilada.

"I'm opening up a lot about my feelings ... and wearing them on my sleeves. "

 

Just be sure you're not wearing neon dayglo sleeves, if you get my drift. Again, we all have baggage, and "putting it ALL out there" can be a bit overwhelming when you first get to know someone. One of my internet dates (that went no further than a first date) involved the guy telling me he was: in a relationship for three years that ended a week ago; a recovered alcoholic; was fired from two jobs because of his drinking; wasn't out to his parents; wasn't out at work; filed for bankruptcy a year ago; was allergic to cats; had his appendix out; had $60K in student loans and other debt; had laser resurfacing on his forehead; had spent a lot of time in bathhouses; had hooked up with over 200 guys; the measurement of certain parts of his anatomy (I wasn't impressed)... and that and more was over a CUP.OF.COFFEE. Mind you, I was glad to know his trainwreck story before I considered dating him but waaaaay too much information! :-o

ARE YOU SERIOUS??  What coffee shop was this?  I definitely do not want to go there!!

Sorry - my rule of thumb was always to meet someone for coffee for a first date:

 

1. The likelihood of abundant witnesses.

2. More accurate lighting than a bar.

3. If things went sour, hey, it's just a cup of coffee (rather than a time-consuming and painfully awkward expensive dinner).

4. If things went well, hey, it's just another cup of coffee!

 

 

"I'm opening up a lot about my feelings ... and wearing them on my sleeves. "

 

Just be sure you're not wearing neon dayglo sleeves, if you get my drift. Again, we all have baggage, and "putting it ALL out there" can be a bit overwhelming when you first get to know someone.

 

No-no. I'm talking about being open with friends. I got to be a very good liar when I was drinking and even my own family had no idea how much I was drinking. Sometimes they didn't know I was still smoking. And friends with whom I've opened up in the past week or two and told about my relationship situation had no idea either. So I'm not talking about laying it all out there day-glo style on first dates. It might be a few weeks before I say anything -- or not, depends on the person.

Gotcha - just throwing that out there in case it was appropriate but good to know it isn't :-)

BTW, great story about the coffee shop meeting. It's always more entertaining when that crap happens to other people!! (Sorry, but true!)

KJP,  There was this group in Cincinnati, not sure if it still exists called "It's just Lunch".  Easy to go out for a quick lunch, like Maydays quick coffee.  Less pressure.  Maybe Cleveland has a chapter.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself!  Dating a 25yo when you were 34 is not that big of a difference.  Maybe now when you're in your 40's it would be different.  Have your friends introduce you to someone.  That's probably the best and safest way.

 

 

 

I agree, and some of my friends say they've already seen a change in me since I quit smoking five weeks ago

 

Props to you kJP, quitting smoking is hard, something a lot of people aren't able to do; it shows you have a strong will.

 

 

But isn't the truth that you "guys" are looking for the 25 or under 30 something female. So women over 30 don't usually get paid that much attention. I think the pushy older women are annoying though (I'm a woman) because they seem to be oblivious. Especially the ones that might just happen to have the younger type bodies. Based on what I've seen and heard, you guys eventhough you might not be into them the fact that they are throwing themselves at you, you can't resist. So they get what they wanted anyway. Thoughts.

 

I'm only 21, I've only been in a few relationships, with girls my own age so I don't know much about it but I think men generally think that younger women have less baggage and have less demands from you but I think thats probably a big misperception.

Not hard on myself about the 25-year-old. The encounters served their purpose at the time. Chapter over. Turned that page.

 

Great idea about Just For Lunch. Here's the Ohio locations:

 

Its Just Lunch Cincinnati

Its Just Lunch Cleveland

Its Just Lunch Columbus

http://www.itsjustlunch.com/locations.aspx

I think I should chime in with my decidedly cynical views of this whole internet/dating service gig. First off, these are businesses who make a profit off us who are looking for someone special. They are looking for your money first, foremost and always. Does that mean you won't find what you want? Of course not, but I think it's wise to go into this stuff with your eyes open.

 

I was a member of Yahoo and Match.com and met some interesting women, but none that amounted to much as far as a real relationship went. It's Just Lunch and Great Expectations are dating mills who very costly. These guys prey on loneliness and should be avoided.

 

Was it worth it to be on Match.com? Depends on how you look at it. I never found anyone special, but I did have some really fun time, especially with a girl from san Diego, who showed me a fun time on the west coast. I'm now dating someone I found at a dance. Go figure.

I think I should chime in with my decidedly cynical views of this whole internet/dating service gig. First off, these are businesses who make a profit off us who are looking for someone special. They are looking for your money first, foremost and always. Does that mean you won't find what you want? Of course not, but I think it's wise to go into this stuff with your eyes open.

 

I was a member of Yahoo and Match.com and met some interesting women, but none that amounted to much as far as a real relationship went. It's Just Lunch and Great Expectations are dating mills who very costly. These guys prey on loneliness and should be avoided.

 

Was it worth it to be on Match.com? Depends on how you look at it. I never found anyone special, but I did have some really fun time, especially with a girl from san Diego, who showed me a fun time on the west coast. I'm now dating someone I found at a dance. Go figure.

 

There's nothing wrong with providing a service to hook people up, the real problem is that people naturally form this image of themselves that is a compromise between who they really are, and their ideal self. Thus, people have higher expectations in that pool of people on match.com or wherever else.

Full disclosure: I met my S.O. (who is truly a good match for me) at the gym. And for the first time in my life, *I* was the one who did the stalking approaching, and he's been shackled with me for almost three years :-)

Full disclosure: I met my S.O. (who is truly a good match for me) at the gym. And for the first time in my life, *I* was the one who did the stalking approaching, and he's been shackled with me for almost three years :-)

 

Those lessons Rob gave you paid off, eh??

 

You're very lucky, as you were both at the "right place" and the "right time" and single.  It appears it was very random.  Not "formulated" like a dating site.

The gym is a GREAT place for that. I already have my eye on one of the girls who works there. They wear these tight under-armour type shirts that comform to the shape of your body, with jeans; I can't resist.

Oh no MTS, I'd drooled incessantly whenever he walked by noticed him but being a Taurus I had to stalk check him out and get to know him, entrap befriend him, etc. and then I finally held him at gunpoint asked him out. The only thing that's formulated now is using a combination of fear and violence to keep him keeping each other happy and making our relationship work. :-)

"I'm opening up a lot about my feelings ... and wearing them on my sleeves. "

 

Just be sure you're not wearing neon dayglo sleeves, if you get my drift. Again, we all have baggage, and "putting it ALL out there" can be a bit overwhelming when you first get to know someone.

 

yes, wait until they fall for you and then they are trapped or really mad  :evil:. Seriously probably slowly letting the cats out of the bag  and skeletons out of the closet or what have you is not a bad idea, but don't wait too long. I think things like having children, hating cats etc need to come out pretty quickly.  Nothing KJP is saying sounds  bad (notice I did not say "that" bad ).

Oh no MTS, I'd drooled incessantly whenever he walked by noticed him but being a Taurus I had to stalk check him out and get to know him, entrap befriend him, etc. and then I finally held him at gunpoint asked him out. The only thing that's formulated now is using a combination of fear and violence to keep him keeping each other happy and making our relationship work. :-)

 

Taurus' are crazy, jealous and possesive! 

 

They aren't sweet like us Aries, right 8shades? :angel: :angel:  lol

I'm a Scorpio, we're always trolling for @ss.

I'm a Scorpio, we'll always trolling for @ss.

That's usually her response when she sees it.

That's usually her response when she sees it.

I'm not even gonna touch that!

 

Ohh....I suspect that could be a response girls give you as well!

 

 

That's usually her response when she sees it.

I'm not even gonna touch that!

 

Ohh....I suspect that could be a response girls give you as well!

 

 

..when they are underwhelmed.

zing!

Sorry - my rule of thumb was always to meet someone for coffee for a first date:

 

1. The likelihood of abundant witnesses.

2. More accurate lighting than a bar.

3. If things went sour, hey, it's just a cup of coffee (rather than a time-consuming and painfully awkward expensive dinner).

4. If things went well, hey, it's just another cup of coffee!

 

 

This is funny to see what everyone's criteria is.  I always, ALWAYS met someone either in a bar or a restaurant that had a bar.  Because:

 

- if they didn't drink, it really wasn't going to work out

- if they got some girly drink like a chocolate martini or something, um, no.

- when someone has one drink, they're more likely to open up just a little and it takes the edge off of "blind date" nervousness

- if they had too many drinks in too short a period of time, that was also a red flag

etc.  I always told someone where I was going and who I was meeting and then called after I'd been there a bit (excusing myself to go to the bathroom) and again when I was on my way home just so that if I encountered some psycho, at least someone would be able to tell the police something of what happened (never can be too careful).

 

I agree with MTS also about, pardon the pun, not blowing your load too soon.  Turning over new leaves in life such as losing weight, quitting smoking, quitting drinking, whatever, are huge life changes and can make you want to share way too much too soon.  Fine for friends, not good for a new relationship.  Put it this way.  The time to reveal intimate information of all types is when you feel intimate with the person and the relationship has gotten past initial getting to know you.  It's a non-specific time but you should reveal things in bits.  It's more interesting.

ha! that is awesome about the drinks. So telling. If they are clingy and desperate, angry, alcoholic,unhappy all that will come out. Either that or they skipped lunch, drank on an empty stomach and they were  judged (No this never happened to me )