LOL. I wasn't trying to meet anyone when I met her. I was in my last year at school, and I fully planned on moving to NYC or Boston, so didn't want to get into any relationships prior to that. Plus, the girl who 'introduced' us was actually trying to fix her up with my roomate. She and I didn't get along at all.

 

so really, it never should have happened. Interestingly, I also won a fiddle made of gold that night....

Interestingly, I also won a fiddle made of gold that night....

 

That was you?!  Most interesting.  I'll get you next time.

>then leave her number in someone else's car, so he calls her.

 

When I was bussing tables in high school some babe left her number on the table.  I took the bait and it turned out it was some fat chick.

>If every decision I've ever made was wrong, this means the opposite must have been right.

 

The greatest bar pick-up I've ever witnessed happened at about 1:54am one night at The Pub in Athens, Ohio.  I was with two friends trying to get in for a last beer.  Myself and buddy #1 get in and are ordering and turn around to see buddy #2 in dispute with doorman.  Doorman pushes him out of bar, trips a little and almost knocks over girl standing on sidewalk.  Turns around, they laugh at each other, and head off arm-and-arm into the OU night. 

I Would Really Love Some Ladies to Weigh-in On This:

 

 

Question:

 

Is it okay for a guy to buy a gift for a chick on the first date? I'm mostly referring to someone you've already known for a substantial amount of time. Also, if not knowing said date prior, how long would you wait before giving a gift? I mean nothing major, just something to let her know you like her and appreciate her friendship/companionship thus far and for her taking out the time for you?

 

I like doing that, you know, even if it's a $10-20 gift. I'm just a giving person but I fear that (from experience) women tend to over-analyze things and worry they might see it as me trying to bribe them into going to the next level or feel obligated to make a bigger commitment as a result. I think it's just a nice gesture period, you know what I mean? I like doing stuff for people and really do just appreciation the privilege of being with a nice young lady who took out the time for me, for the evening. I suppose the trick is to just be blunt about your reasons and intentions for doing it, yeah?

>If every decision I've ever made was wrong, this means the opposite must have been right.

 

The greatest bar pick-up I've ever witnessed happened at about 1:54am one night at The Pub in Athens, Ohio.  I was with two friends trying to get in for a last beer.  Myself and buddy #1 get in and are ordering and turn around to see buddy #2 in dispute with doorman.  Doorman pushes him out of bar, trips a little and almost knocks over girl standing on sidewalk.  Turns around, they laugh at each other, and head off arm-and-arm into the OU night. 

 

Athens is weird like that. Chance encounters do lead to a lot of random sex, and negatives like fights can be turned into positives. OU is one of the few places where a guy can get in a brawl, and be getting laid 30 minutes later. Cops are real lenient there, and kids can get away with murder. Looking back, there were a large number of barfights/assaults in Athens. The school really is just nuts. I never see that reckless abandon in California, even at douchey bro bars. Kids out here are noticeably more responsible and it's so quiet at night compared to Athens. At 3am any night of the week, the whole city of San Francisco is dead. In Chinatown, a place with the population density of Manhattan, you can walk Grant Avenue late on Saturday night and not see a single person. At 4am on some weeknights in Athens, parties would still be raging on Court Street. When I lived in Courtside (best location ever), there were nights where you just couldn't sleep. When you think about it, it's insane how much louder Athens gets than a lot of major cities. I kind of miss all that blaring rap music, yelling, screaming, and general raging. I miss Everclear parties too. It was so easy to meet people in Athens...so easy it killed the dating scene. There was no need for dating since there was a constant stream of parties and packed bars all the time.

 

In California (excluding Santa Barbara), I don't think the real fun starts until after college. The big coastal cities have great party scenes for single adults well into their 30's and older. That's a huge difference from Ohio. In the bay, adults might be dirtier than college kids (at least kids at Berkeley, USF, SF State, and Stanford). In a weird way, this makes the native kids more well-adjusted. They'er not rushing to sleep with as many people as possible before getting married since the deadline is much later. It's weird how much kids date here compared to Athens. You see these 21-yeard-old college students sitting at coffee shops and wonder how they aren't drunk. It's a wholly different dynamic from Ohio in terms of courtship, relationships, etc.

 

Here's to Athens! A big black hole in Ohio's dating market since everyone is just partying their asses off. "Sorry, Lauren, I'd love to go out to Bagel Street with you, but by 4pm on Wednesday, I'll be wasted and going to five parties. Text me later. Maybe we can meet up at the C.I. or Crystal." One trend I'm noticing with friends is something I always felt while at OU. While friends still living in Ohio are getting married left and right (even breeding offspring), very few of them are marrying fellow OU grads. Lord knows I'd hesitate to date a girl from OU (I know a lot of girls who feel the same way about the guys). Even Chico State and UCSB girls seem chaste and moral compared to OU girls. I think OU's reality is actually a lot worse than its reputation. Ohio University is all the debauchery of Vegas with the class of West Virginia.

 

I was seeing this girl from UCSB, and she was shockingly sober and well put together compared to OU girls I knew. She couldn't handle more than four drinks! At OU, a lot of girls would drink me under the table. I think my roommate pounded a whole fifth one night during one of her raging benders. This girl from UCSB couldn't fathom drinking that much in a night, and believe me, those kids know how to party.

 

Every time I was with her, I thought to myself, "girls like this still exist?" I respected her and could be completely open and honest. She knew how to have fun, but had some limits. It was a major turn-on. God, I miss her. How do you do long distance relationships?

It's that old California mellowness, I guess. They don't let the terrifying fear of being forced to work a crappy job until age 50 and being married to someone they don't like at 25 eat 'em up like we do.

You could do what I did on the night I met my now wife, which is go out to a series of bars, get debilitatingly drunk, go back to her apartment and fart so much that she has to open the windows to get breathable air, then leave her number in someone else's car, so he calls her.

 

Laugh if you want, we've been married 11 years.

 

In other words, don't make any kind of actual effort and if anything do the opposite.

 

Which, of course, is the best advice there is....

 

The old George Costanza approach. If every decision I've ever made was wrong, this means the opposite must have been right.

 

Yeah but George still tried too hard.  That's the worst thing you can do.

 

For this approach to work, it's important to get her attention without looking like you are trying to.  Then don't pay attention.  Be distant, or act like you just don't care.

 

It's easier to say than it is to do.  Unless of course, you're very obviously taken.  This is why taken guys sometimes have a lot more opportunities.

 

Oh, what Reese Witherspoon did in "Legally Blonde", getting on that guys case in order to get the other two women interested in him.....that works big time.

They can smell desperation. Literally.

Yeah the fun thing about Athens was that the night was never really over.  There was always somewhere else to go or you might run into some friends walking home at 4am and stay up until 9. When they flipped those cars back at Halloween '03 it was at about 6:30am.

 

Funnier was the time my friends left after a fight to take someone to get stitches at about 2am but after getting out of the hospital decided to drive to Parkersburg.  At about 7am they broke into a historic steamboat and stole the captain's wheel, then came to lunch at Casa to tell everyone about it. I'm not sure they even took naps before hitting the town again the next night.

Yeah the fun thing about Athens was that the night was never really over.  There was always somewhere else to go or you might run into some friends walking home at 4am and stay up until 9. When they flipped those cars back at Halloween '03 it was at about 6:30am.

 

Funnier was the time my friends left after a fight to take someone to get stitches at about 2am but after getting out of the hospital decided to drive to Parkersburg.  At about 7am they broke into a historic steamboat and stole the captain's wheel, then came to lunch at Casa to tell everyone about it. I'm not sure they even took naps before hitting the town again the next night.

 

Most of us have stories along those lines from college days, but nothing tops OU on a Halloween weekend.  Period.

 

To have that kind of energy...wow.  After having worked at a bar/nightclub for ten years, I often think "If I had known then, what I know now"....but I have to postscript it with "I probably wouldn't be here now.    :-o

"If I had known then, what I know now"

 

So true. If I went to OU now, I'd probably not graduate and make it out alive! As a guy, you learn a lot more as you age, and can see right through all the game playing. I worked in a bar as a bouncer too, and that was invaluable experience.

 

True confidence is not caring and giving off the aura that you can handle anything that happens, including any rejections. Smart guys anticipate rejections before they even happen. They say, "nice to meet you" and move on immediately. Persistence is desperation. Girls hate desperation, and you need to look like you always have options. The most successful guy I know would get rejected at the bar maybe 50 times a night. He always handled it well, moved on, and got laid every frequently. Eventually, someone would say yes. It helped he had a good job and had never been to prison (a rarity at some Toledo bars). He could go out solo and pick up girls- true independence. A few guys like this were regulars. Being able to hit a bar by yourself and not look nervous is hard for a lot of people to pull off.

 

But a hot wingwoman works better than anything (especially if it looks like you're dating her). This is also why you get hit on more when you're seeing someone as opposed to not seeing someone. Then again, in California, girls approach guys way more than they do in Ohio. They drop a lot more hints too. There isn't as much sense of entitlement. They pay for dates all the time!

 

When I was out with this UCSB girl, who was beyond gorgeous, I'd notice a lot more female attention and other beautiful women checking me out. They'd see me with her and it turned on a switch in them. One night, I went up to go to the bathroom, and three different bombshells followed me. I had to give them the "I'm taken" look.

I Would Really Love Some Ladies to Weigh-in On This:

 

 

Question:

 

Is it okay for a guy to buy a gift for a chick on the first date? I'm mostly referring to someone you've already known for a substantial amount of time. Also, if not knowing said date prior, how long would you wait before giving a gift? I mean nothing major, just something to let her know you like her and appreciate her friendship/companionship thus far and for her taking out the time for you?

 

I like doing that, you know, even if it's a $10-20 gift. I'm just a giving person but I fear that (from experience) women tend to over-analyze things and worry they might see it as me trying to bribe them into going to the next level or feel obligated to make a bigger commitment as a result. I think it's just a nice gesture period, you know what I mean? I like doing stuff for people and really do just appreciation the privilege of being with a nice young lady who took out the time for me, for the evening. I suppose the trick is to just be blunt about your reasons and intentions for doing it, yeah?

 

I'm not a Lady, but don't do it!  Too soon!  Just chill.

"If I had known then, what I know now"

 

So true. If I went to OU now, I'd probably not make it out alive! As a guy, you learn a lot more as you age, and can see right through all the game playing. I worked in a bar as a bouncer too, and that was invaluable experience.

 

I call it "drunksitting", but with that job there's no need to learn "game".  You don't need it.

^Second this.

"If I had known then, what I know now"

 

So true. If I went to OU now, I'd probably not make it out alive! As a guy, you learn a lot more as you age, and can see right through all the game playing. I worked in a bar as a bouncer too, and that was invaluable experience.

 

I call it "drunksitting", but with that job there's no need to learn "game".  You don't need it.

 

I called it "adult babysitting," but same thing. Yeah, sometimes girls would just come up drunk and be all over me. If I didn't work a second job afterwards (early morning news), who knows how much damage I could have done. There is nothing worse than telling a girl, "I'd love to go home with you, but I've got a second job to go to after I shut down the bar."

>there's no need to learn "game"

 

 

The guys who really have it are a wonder to watch. One guy I knew used to tell this story about how he drank breast milk by accident when he was visiting a friend's house in 6th grade.  So this was his friend's mom's breast milk that she was keeping in some sort of traditional milk container in the fridge.

 

Anyway, every single time I saw him tell the story -- and he would go onto great detail about how it tasted -- the ladies were absolutely mesmerized by it.  Apparently the story tapped into that whole thing how women are always camparing themselves to other women.  So they then on some subconscious level saw him as an authority on women, and sought his approval. 

 

Met a lovely girl today and I went to look her up on social media and one of the first things I see is:

 

"#ThingsMyDaddyTaughtMe White people are superior to all other races..."

 

The power of the internet. Moving on.

What's the context? Maybe it's a joke or sarcastic comment?

 

Or maybe it's true.

 

 

 

 

 

 

KIDDING!!!!!!!!!

There is no context except for that being a trending topic and she was apparently posting this very shortly before I talked to her.

 

So, she's either a bigot; someone that doesn't understand the difference between taught and told; and/or dumb enough to leave something like that under her real name on a fully public social media profile.

Met a lovely girl today and I went to look her up on social media and one of the first things I see is:

 

"#ThingsMyDaddyTaughtMe White people are superior to all other races..."

 

The power of the internet. Moving on.

 

So where did you meet Ann Coulter?

Met a lovely girl today and I went to look her up on social media and one of the first things I see is:

 

"#ThingsMyDaddyTaughtMe White people are superior to all other races..."

 

The power of the internet. Moving on.

 

So where did you meet Ann Coulter?

 

LOL!  Her dating preference is Middle Eastern guys.  Much of what she says is an act.  Her job is to stir the czitt.

There's too many people out there that don't know that. Sorta like Bill O'Rielly. That's certainly true of talk radio too, but the main problem with it is not their detractors not knowing it's an act but their followers.

There's too many people out there that don't know that. Sorta like Bill O'Rielly. That's certainly true of talk radio too, but the main problem with it is not their detractors not knowing it's an act but their followers.

 

Great point. The worst consequence of the detractors not seeing it is people like ERocc getting a rise. The worst consequence of people agreeing with the venom at face value is far more dire. And so, so many people do. Like when Limbaugh went on about Obama's America where black children beat up on white children on school buses with encouragement and impunity. People truly believe that, and it is just plain unhealthy. I am always amazed these people do not frighten away radio and television sponsors. Really, really sad.

They do frighten them off at times; that's how they find out what the boundaries are.

Met a lovely girl today and I went to look her up on social media and one of the first things I see is:

 

"#ThingsMyDaddyTaughtMe White people are superior to all other races..."

 

The power of the internet. Moving on.

 

You dodged a bullet!  She's the type of person who would really need to clean up here account if looking for a job.

I was checking out the merchandise (it's free to look!) on Match.com and scrambled for my credit card after seeing this:

 

I was checking out the merchandise (it's free to look!) on Match.com and scrambled for my credit card after seeing this:

 

 

You know thats CDawgs sister, right?

I was checking out the merchandise (it's free to look!) on Match.com and scrambled for my credit card after seeing this:

 

 

You know thats CDawgs sister, right?

 

Cha-Ching!!

 

Didn't notice at the time that was Seth Green.

Didn't notice at the time that was Seth Green.

 

Me neither. Probably was his big break!

Brilliant!!

 

http://www.howaboutwe.com/date-report/1610-what-your-taste-in-music-says-about-you-on-a-date/

What if you're into funkadelic?

Then you're funked...

Not sure why there is so much confusion. Basically all you need is this song and only this song:

 

 

 

 

The Husband Store...

 

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: 

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! 

 

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. . . .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

 

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

 

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

 

So she continues upward.

 

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

 

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

 

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

 

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

 

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

 

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

 

Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store. 

 

PLEASE NOTE:

 

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives Store just across the street. 

 

The First floor has wives that love sex.   

 

The Second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer. 

 

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don't believe that story is true. No one says 'mercy me' anymore.

That's because these days the store is laid out more like an IKEA, which is more efficient, but less funny.

Now remember, if you can't get tab H into panel B you probably aren't going to have fun with this model anyway.

Set the mood:

 

 

That's the kind of stuff you hear at a drug dealer's apartment in a place like Northside or Old North Columbus when your buddy makes you come with him to buy stuff off of someone he met at the bar.

^Yeah, except now the average drug dealer is 10-15 years younger than I am, and they listen to truly horrible computer-generated stuff, or maybe Sublime.  It's sad when you see somebody who's 20 who is headed for oblivion, since the events that led to all this happened in the last 3 years.  You know, the same 3 years in which I behaved myself and made like $175,000. 

You never really know what happens to those guys. For all I know they pass out on the floor, flash a couple times and then disappear like guys you beat up in Double Dragon.

>You never really know what happens to those guys. For all I know they pass out on the floor, flash a couple times and then disappear like guys you beat up in Double Dragon.

 

Some of them settle down and become career pizza deliverymen.  The rest end up working at the Short North UDF. 

 

UDFs are a lot sketchier in Seabus than they are in the 'Nati.

^But they probably don't sell condoms either.  See how we bring this tangent back to the central thrust of this thread?

>You never really know what happens to those guys. For all I know they pass out on the floor, flash a couple times and then disappear like guys you beat up in Double Dragon.

 

Some of them settle down and become career pizza deliverymen.  The rest end up working at the Short North UDF. 

 

 

Some of the smart ones put money away and build a legit business (usually construction, auto repair,  landscaping or something else that requires equipment that can be bought untraceably) when they semi-retire.  Indeed, this was their plan all along.

 

They're not all stupid.  There's too much money in the business.

I may be mistaken, but I do believe that this thread is now the funniest of all at Urban Ohio!

^But they probably don't sell condoms either.  See how we bring this tangent back to the central thrust of this thread?

I may be mistaken, but I do believe that this thread is now the funniest of all at Urban Ohio!

 

Yes- because the word condom and thrust were just used in the same sentence.

Nah, the last couple of pages have been priceless.