November 3, 200816 yr Old joke: Angry customer storms into the drugstore: Pharmacist: How's that new medication working Mr. Johnson? Mr. Johnson (slamming his prescription of suppositories down on the counter): "For all the good they've done me, I should have shoved them up my ass!!"
November 3, 200816 yr Dear Red States: If you manage to steal this election too we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California. To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties. Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico Peace out, ~Blue States
November 4, 200816 yr Hey ColDay, tell everyone what happened to us at border customs in Detroit. Great story, Great story..
November 4, 200816 yr For those that don't know, Hayward, ColDayMan and I were coming back from Toronto and sitting in the car at customs at the Ambassador bridge when the person who was PARKED behind us, RAMMED into the car really hard. Then the guy did the unthinkable and got out of his car to assess damage and talk to ColDayMan about it. Then after he got into his car he proceeded to get closer and closer to the car even after we scooted up! Luckily he didn't plant a bomb on the wheel well above the tire on his way back to the car. I'm still hurting from that incident. I found a great corrupt American lawyer to handle it. I'll give you his number Hayward lol Ahhh! my neck. Ahhh my back! I need painkillers and physical therapy and it's all his fault! Damn Canadian terrorists!
November 4, 200816 yr For those that don't know, Hayward, ColDayMan and I were coming back from Toronto and sitting in the car at customs at the Ambassador bridge..... You mean they let you back in? Did they at least give you a hard time? No strip search? Where's the overzealous border guards when you need them? :wink:
November 4, 200816 yr Well, my dumb @ss said "um...no...I don't...think I bought anything in Canada". I didn't know there's only one answer to that question in any situation but we were fine getting back in. It just took forever to get through the line. He asked me that question after he searched through my duffle bag in the trunk so it kinda threw me off and made me think about it.
November 4, 200816 yr They kept me there for about 3 hours trying to decide whether to let me into canada. Finally made me buy a $150 work permit. BTW, thanks for your support on the presidential thread.
November 4, 200816 yr Where did you work in Canada? Hayward said there's a separate line for people with work permits. Probably better that you got one for convenience reasons.
November 4, 200816 yr P&G has a plant in Belleville, about 2 hours east of Toronto. We had letters of introduction that worked for most people, but occasionally some of us were stopped. Really wasn't a big deal, just ties you up. They did act like they were doing us a favor letting us in, I wanted to tell them we should just take the plant back to the US if they didn't want us.
November 4, 200816 yr You forgot to mention what the guy said to Coldayman after he hit the car. He basically came up and said "I hate those damn bumpers these days, whatever happened to the metal ones!!! You know it's all good, you know those damn bumpers!!! I'll pay for anything that's wrong." I was thinking what is wrong with this picture 1. Who cares material its made of, you hit us. What does the bumper have to do with your idiocy. 2. Plastic is better than if he would have dented a metal bumper 3. How are you going to pay for it when you didn't tell us your address or let us tell ours. Additionally, the guy was like 85, and he didn't have his lights on! I think the guy lost his ability to drive that night. The Bridge Company was informed of this, and they don't let bad drivers go away easily.
November 4, 200816 yr lmao Yeah, if he hit us harder, that plastic bumper could have prevented injury. I still don't understand how you hit someone as hard as he hit us when he was only like 3-4 feet away. How do you accidentally floor the accelerator?
November 4, 200816 yr David, maybe the guy recognized you from the "post a photo of yourself" thread and decided he couldn't pass up the opportunity!!! :evil:
November 4, 200816 yr I bet it was Dan! I think he was even driving an SUV with a support our troops ribbon ;) You're taking this internet stuff too far Dan.
November 4, 200816 yr Maybe he got confused and depressed the gas like you would depress the brake when shifting from park. Maybe his car was standard and he slipped off the clutch and the car just took off. That sucks though. I would be soo mad if someone did that to me.
November 4, 200816 yr Thanks, I'm old, but Hayward said he was "like 85"; but I'm not that old!!! Besides, (and don't tell anyone) in a weak attempt to "Clean up my act" I will admit that I don't even own an SUV! I was just taking a shot at the public transportation fanatics!
November 4, 200816 yr No one has answered the important question.... Do we need to replace the UrbanOhio.com bumpersticker?????? I just put that one on his car a couple months ago and it was the last one.
November 4, 200816 yr I remember that there was a roadgeek meet a few years ago in Buffalo, NY and some wanted to go into Canada. The meets are organized online at a newsgroup. Customs: "How is everyone related and how did you meet?" Group: "Uh... we all met on the Internet." You get the oddest looks from custom agents, especially when its all guys :P
November 4, 200816 yr I remember that there was a roadgeek meet a few years ago in Buffalo, NY and some wanted to go into Canada. The meets are organized online at a newsgroup. Customs: "How is everyone related and how did you meet?" Group: "Uh... we all met on the Internet." You get the oddest looks from custom agents, especially when its all guys :P Maybe it would have helped if you had explained that you wanted to check out the transportation infrastructure. :-)
November 5, 200816 yr No one has answered the important question.... Do we need to replace the UrbanOhio.com bumpersticker?????? I just put that one on his car a couple months ago and it was the last one. I don't think either of us have checked to see. Chris would know when he posts. That or else video footage from The Bridge Company.
November 9, 200816 yr i always wondered what the 1st video game was, i figured there was something before 'pong.' here's the geeky story. happy 50th b-day to videogaming. and how cool is this? this dvorak guy was the very 1st kid to ever play a video game! Brookhaven Honors a Pioneer Video Game By BRUCE LAMBERT Published: November 7, 2008 RETRO Tennis for Two on display at the Brookhaven Lab in celebration of its 50th anniversary. PHENOMENON At the Brookhaven Lab, recreated circuitry of Tennis for Two. “I BRAG to people that I was probably the first kid to play a video game,” said Robert Dvorak Jr. :wink2: That happened half a century ago here at Brookhaven National Laboratory, where Mr. Dvorak’s father had assembled what was arguably the first video game, called Tennis for Two. The game, primitive by modern standards, featured two control boxes whose buttons prompted a bright green ball of streaking light to bounce back and forth over a symbolic net. The action took place on a round oscilloscope screen that measured all of five inches across. “It was very simple to operate,” said Mr. Dvorak, now 57 and an electrical engineer in Saugerties. As a child, Mr. Dvorak periodically tagged along with his father to the laboratory, and he fell in love with the fledgling electronic game on one visit. “I remember it being a lot of fun,” he said. “When you look at Pong, they’re not all that different,” he said, referring to the 1972 Atari game. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/09/nyregion/long-island/09videoli.html
November 10, 200816 yr Dublo Posto! But now that I have an extra box to waste on the off topic thread, I'm going to share some poetry: Urban Tumbleweeds Rolling and floating through the blighted bankrupt streets in this city of once-proud mill stacks, now standing like somber sentinels overlooking our turgid tumbling river, they rise on unseen currents, these silent spirits, occasionally crackling their strange styrene alien song. Of what do they sing, these checkout-stand castaway cousins of prairie-prancing sages from the West? Not of abandoned saloons with ruined batwing doors or ancient, windswept country cemeteries, with their stones tilted in the dust like old teeth; but of tattered toys and empty trash cans, overturned from sanitary abuse and making their escape to some wild urban coaster ride; a madman's merry-go-round of low alleys and shattered glass, glinting dully in the setting summer sun. --Patrick Pendleton
November 10, 200816 yr HAHAHA, David. I hope you don't have any big deadlines at work soon. You'll be ready to choke a kitten right before the purge. Whatever you do, don't eat any Dum Dum Pops.
November 10, 200816 yr Councilman Arrested for Peeing on Crowd Updated 11:49 AM EST, Sun, Nov 9, 2008 http://media.nbcnewyork.com/designimages/ico_close_lrg.png[/img]http://media.nbcnewyork.com/images/193*225/Steve+Lipski.jpg[/img] A Jersey City councilman has reportedly been arrested for urinating on a crowd of concertgoers from the balcony of a Washington D.C. nightclub. The New York Daily News reports in Sunday's editions that two-term Jersey City councilman Steve Lipski has been charged with simple assault. The newspaper says 44-year-old Lipski was removed from a place called the 9:30 Club on Friday night. That's after club staffers saw him relieve himself onto the crowd from a second floor balcony during a concert by a Grateful Dead tribute band. Messages left at Lipski's council office, and a Jersey City listing under his name were not immediately returned. Copyright Associated Press http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Councilman-Arrested-for-Peeing-on-Crowd.html
November 10, 200816 yr Bush leaving office more unpopular than Nixon By Paul Steinhauser, CNN, November 10, 2008 WASHINGTON DC (CNN) -- On the day that President-elect Barack Obama is visiting the White House, a new national poll suggests that the current occupant at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue is the most unpopular president since approval ratings were first sought more than six decades ago. Seventy-six percent of those questioned in a CNN/Opinion Research Corporation survey released Monday disapprove of how President Bush is handling his job. That's an all-time high in CNN polling and in Gallup polling dating back to World War II.
November 10, 200816 yr #115 Promising to Learn a New Language November 9, 2008 by clander Throughout history, white people have a pretty poor record when it comes to promises (see Americans, Native for examples). Thankfully, modern white people are trying to erase the shame of the past by making promises to themselves that they will never keep. Writing a novel, going vegan, or sending their future kid to public school are just a few of these great breakable promises. But by far the most common self improvement promise is to learn a new language. This plan is first formulated when white people realize that two years of college Italian does not confer fluency. For the most part, these classes will only teach a white person how to order food in a restaurant, ask for a train schedule, and over pronounced words when they are mixed into English. Amazingly this small amount of proficiency is more than enough to warrant inclusion on a resume under “spoken languages.” For many white people the lack of a second language is their greatest secret shame. It fills them with so much shame that they will literally spend the rest of their lives promising to learn a new language, but not so much shame that they will actually do it. When it comes to learning a new language, white people can follow a few paths. The most common of which is to try to learn a language that is popular in their current city. For example, White people in places like Los Angeles or Austin, TX will often promise to learn Spanish in hopes of being able to ask local tacos stands about whether or not their carne asada is grass fed (”¿Ha leído usted Michael Pollan?”). In order to reach this level of fluency and obnoxiousness, white people believe they must put themselves into a local immersion. This means a promise to watch only Spanish language TV, listen only to Spanish language radio, read Marquez in his native tongue, and watch foreign films with the subtitles turned off. There are some instances of white people doing this for almost a week! When this technique is unavailable or fails, white people will immediately to turn to books and computer software as a last ditch effort to make good on their promise. After about a week, most white people will give up and blame someone for their failure (”this software is terrible,” “there aren’t enough people in Portland who speak Farsi!”). But rather than discarding the books and software packaging, white people will simply put them in the most visible part of their book shelf. This allows white people to believe that they have not failed since they can resume their studies at any time until their death. Since learning a new language is something that most white people fail it, it should be approached with extreme caution. When you hear that a white person say that they speak your native language, you will probably think it’s a good idea to start talking to them in said language. WRONG! Instead you should say something like “you speak (insert language)?” to which they will reply “a little” in your native tongue. If you just leave it here, the white person will feel fantastic for the rest of the day. If you push it any further and speak quickly, the white person will just look at you with a blank stare. Within a minute you will notice that blank stare has shifted from confusion to contempt. You have shamed them and your chance for friendship is ruined forever. Finally, though they won’t admit it, white people do not believe that learning English is difficult. This is because if it were true, then that would mean that their housekeeper, gardener, mother-in-law (if they are an elite white person) are smarter than them. Needless to say, this realization would destroy their entire universe. The best technique is to just tell white people what they really want to hear: “You should move to (insert country) so you can really learn the language.” They will agree instantly and lament their employer’s lack of an office there. Share this lament and you can enjoy a gigantic increase in trust and friendship from that white person. Note: some white people actually do speak a second language they are commonly referred to as “european” or “insufferable.” Do not worry, white people will continue to feel guilty until they can maintain fluency in seven languages. www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com
November 10, 200816 yr You WF's should learn a second language! Those of you from ethnic backgrounds should carry on your families language. http://www.urbanohio.com/forum2/index.php/topic,14443.0.html We also do not need a vote to make Ohio's "official" language English! We've got people on UO who are or married to PR, Dominican, MessyKan (he he he ;) ), Slovenia, Italian, German, Sloviakian, Korean, Chinese, etc. How many of you fluently speak your (or your parents, grand parents) native tongue and are passing it on to your children?
November 10, 200816 yr How many of you fluently speak your (or your parents, grand parents) native tongue and are passing it on to your children? Both sides of my family came from England lol My grandma remarried a Japanese man and both live in Japan, though. I learned a little bit. Konichiwwaaaaa
November 10, 200816 yr I promised my kin folk on my dad's side that I would never speak hillbilly again if he died... and he did.
November 10, 200816 yr I promised my kin folk on my dad's side that I would never speak hillbilly again if he died... and he did. Kstay2...this guy is the Yikes girl's boyfriend! LMAO
November 10, 200816 yr You WF's should learn a second language! Those of you from ethnic backgrounds should carry on your families language. http://www.urbanohio.com/forum2/index.php/topic,14443.0.html We also do not need a vote to make Ohio's "official" language English! We've got people on UO who are or married to PR, Dominican, MessyKan (he he he ;) ), Slovenia, Italian, German, Sloviakian, Korean, Chinese, etc. How many of you fluently speak your (or your parents, grand parents) native tongue and are passing it on to your children? They did that in Missouri! I'm so glad that's not my state anymore!!!!! My parents were just like WTF??
November 11, 200816 yr What's the running joke? Only difference between NY and LA... In LA they say "have a nice day," and they mean "f- you." in NY they say "f- you," and they mean "have a nice day." -Peter Shankman, Publicist My coastal cultural analysis? People with intelligence and ambition move to New York. People with intelligence move to San Francisco. People with just ambition move to LA. -Jim Meskauskas, Chief Strategic Officer, Underscore Marketing In Boston your waiter is reading Dostoevsky. In New York your waiter is a character out of Dostoevsky. -Bill McCloskey, President, Emerging Interest
November 11, 200816 yr Kucinich's house hit with paint balls Posted by Mark Puente/Plain Dealer Reporter November 11, 2008 11:37AM CLEVELAND -- Rep. Dennis Kucinich's house got a new coat of paint, but it wasn't done with brushes or rollers. Two unknown vandals, believed to be teenagers, shot Kucinich's house last week with paint balls. The congressman's wife, Elizabeth, told police she heard banging noises on the side of their Milan Avenue home about 1:30 a.m. Thursday. When the sun rose, she noticed the paint balls. Later that night, the vandals returned and lobbed more orange paint balls on the front and side of the house. Elizabeth Kucinich watched the teens sprint away and jump fences through the neighborhood. She then washed the paint away with a hose, a police report said. Police have no suspects.
November 11, 200816 yr She then washed the paint away with a hose, a police report said. HAHAHAHAHAHA. She jeopardized the crime scene!
November 11, 200816 yr Red paint, angry young Republicans at Dennis being Dennis.. Blue paint, angry Democrats for Dennis not ending the war yet.. But Orange paint? No ideas..
November 11, 200816 yr Red paint, angry young Republicans at Dennis being Dennis.. Blue paint, angry Democrats for Dennis not ending the war yet.. But Orange paint? No ideas.. They are blaming him for the Brown's last two losses.
November 11, 200816 yr "she got legs....and she knows how to use them!" :banger: Nice stems! Svetlana Pankratova is the woman with the longest legs in the world, says Guinness BY ELOISE PARKER DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER Tuesday, November 11th 2008, 10:30 AM Savulich/News Svetlana Pankratova appears in Times Sq. to recieve certification of the Guinness world record for the world's longest legs. She's not the first woman to get a wolf whistle on the streets of New York, but Svetlana Pankratova certainly stands out from the crowd as the woman with the world's longest legs. The 36-year-old blonde's 51.9-inch pins, almost 4 feet four inches, have been certified by Guinness World Records as the longest legs of any woman in the world, and she certainly put "TODAY" show hosts Meredith Viera, Al Roker and Ann Curry well and truly in the shade when she stepped onto Rockefeller Plaza this morning. RELATED: WORLD'S SHORTEST MAN VISITS NYC
November 11, 200816 yr catch the chick "posing" on the right side of the screen! I would have had here moved 10 blocks up!
November 11, 200816 yr catch the chick "posing" on the right side of the screen! I would have had here moved 10 blocks up! ... but check out the brother to the left trying to get a little upskirt action.
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