The inclusion of a manure spreader in MayDay's "bumpkin rant" reminds me of a brief experience. Not of spreading manure -- remember, I grew up on a dairy farm. My experiences with a manure spreader were not brief, but many and prolonged, not just pulling it through fields with a tractor and getting thumped in the back with an occasional errant clump, but filling it with pitchfork after pitchfork of winter-steaming half-composted straw and cow-poop fresh from the barn.

 

No, I'm talking about a latter-years visit to my Mom's house. She had DirecTV, and looking for an better pastime than getting drunk and passing out (she never had alcohol in the house) or standing out in the freezing rain until I got pneumonia and died, I was flipping through channels hoping to find something I could watch without opting for the freezing rain. I caught a brief segment where some professional wrestling icon was sitting on an implement seat talking about his solid country roots and "this here wagon that my ancestors brought all their earthly possessions west on." When the camera zoomed out for a more comprehensive view, I could see that he was sitting on a 1930s New Idea steel manure spreader.

 

Those guys are actors more than they are anything else, and I think a lot of them are smarter than they let on. I wasn't sure whether he was ignorant enough to think he was telling a plausible story, or making a reference to professional wrestling being all bullsh!t, or making fun of his audience for being so ignorant they'd probably believe that story.

Okay my inner Appalachian bumpkin is gonna rant - folks, a "pumpkin patch" is not a place that accepts American Express, it's not a place where you take the kids for "face painting", it's not a place that sells PASTEURIZED cider (aka apple flavored vile goat piss), and it sure as sh!t isn't a place where all the pumpkins have been pre-picked and stacked neatly on "antique farm implements" (aka sh!tspreaders - that's right folks, that "charming farm antique" was originally used to spread manure but apparently it's the damned cat's meow).

 

Oh come on, Mayday. We have to do all those things, for the children. Don't you care about the children? WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!

 

 

 

Pasteurized cider definitely is a pet peeve, too.

 

and umm, Mayday IIRC I believe you technically grew up in city limits.. :)

 

 

Who here knows the finer gambling points on Cow Patty Bingo besides me? Which is a great fundraiser BTW.

Where do you guys get unpasteurized cider?  I would like to make a trip out to the boonies to get some as pasteurized is all I normally get to drink (from the grocery store so I have no choice).

I don't know anymore. I haven't been able to find it for the last couple of years.I think the state has cracked down on it in the last 5 years.

 

Where do you guys get unpasteurized cider?  I would like to make a trip out to the boonies to get some as pasteurized is all I normally get to drink (from the grocery store so I have no choice).

 

^^Mapleton Cider Mill in East Canton is my favorite: http://www.cantonrep.com/life/food/x998862199/Mapleton-Cider-Mill-open-for-the-season

 

Here is a concise summary on the oversight of Juices/Ciders...

 

http://www.agri.ohio.gov/foodsafety/docs/hcomm/food-apple_cider_fs.pdf

 

 

From a cleveland.com article in 2008 - since this is old info, I would call before trekking out there.

 

The Apple Cabin

7665 Lafayette Road, Lodi

330-948-1476

Open 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through Saturday; noon to 5 p.m. Sunday.

Market with 20 varieties of apples (although no Honeycrisp), unpasteurized cider, pumpkins and retro candy, plus pick-your-own apples, weekend hayrides, haunted woods attraction.

 

Brant's Apple Orchard

4749 Dibble Road, Ashtabula

440-224-0639; www.brantsappleorchard.com

Open daily, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.

22 varieties of apples along with grapes and Asian pears, unpasteurized cider, bakery, all in covered bridge country.

 

http://www.cleveland.com/taste/index.ssf/2008/10/honeycrisp_is_new_star_of_appl.html

Thanks, buckeye1.  Brant's is the only one I knew of.  I was hoping for something a little closer (like Geauga County maybe), but it seems I may have to make a trek.

Where do you guys get unpasteurized cider?  I would like to make a trip out to the boonies to get some as pasteurized is all I normally get to drink (from the grocery store so I have no choice).

 

It's sometimes available at local farmers' markets or roadside stands; if you know of any orchards that press their own cider and run their own stores in season, try them. Unpasteurized cider starts to turn (ferment) almost right off the press unless it's chilled immediately, and the unpasteurized cider in those places, if it's sold in jugs at room temperature, has a preservative (usually potassium sorbate) added to retard fermentation. If you intend to ferment the cider for an alchoholic beverage, that won't work because potassium sorbate kills yeast. The wild yeasts and bacteria that take over in an uncontrolled environment are likely to yield a nasty unpalatable vinegar instead of enjoyable hard cider, and even naturally-fermented hard cider will soon progress to vinegar.

 

To get unpasteurized cider without potassium sorbate, you have to request it from the producer during pressing season, and either be there with your own ice-filled coolers to collect it and chill it immediately, or if he's willing, have him freeze some so that you can pick it up later. You have to keep it frozen until you use it. I haven't bought any in several years, but I used to get it from an orchard man at a local farmer's market that was open on Wednesdays and Saturdays. If I gave him an order on Wednesday, he'd have frozen plastic jugs ready for me to pick up first thing on Saturday.

 

Thanks for that tip about potassium sorbate with respect to making hard cider, I didn't know that.

Okay my inner Appalachian bumpkin is gonna rant - folks, a "pumpkin patch" is not a place that accepts American Express, it's not a place where you take the kids for "face painting", it's not a place that sells PASTEURIZED cider (aka apple flavored vile goat piss), and it sure as sh!t isn't a place where all the pumpkins have been pre-picked and stacked neatly on "antique farm implements" (aka sh!tspreaders - that's right folks, that "charming farm antique" was originally used to spread manure but apparently it's the damned cat's meow).

 

I suppose if I were an exurban stepford wife, the aforementioned would qualify as a "charming country farm" but in my book, it's sanitized horsesh!t. I want a place where it's on *me* to walk out into the muddy field, scope out the perfect gourd, take a boxcutter to the stem and brush about five pounds of dirt off the beautiful beast and haul it back to the shack and pay cash for the damn thing. Apparently going one county away just isn't far enough for this mythical place I grew up with  :roll:

 

Personally, I'm fine with grabbing a pumpkin from the local grocery store. Cider? I can always drop some mulling spices in it. The problem is - my partner is born/raised "city" and likes to do the country stuff every now and then; I'm happy to indulge his occasional fascination with bumpkin life but I'll be damned if it means going to some nancy@ssed pre-picked place. *scowl*

 

That's crazy. Getting a good pumpkin is like going to estate sales or second-hand stores; you spend forever trying to find that diamond in the rough but it's well worth the time in the end. Most pumpkins are lame, especially for carving purposes. 

How 'bout them babies?

 

 

Seen at Prairietown, Conner Prairie Historic Settlement, near Noblesville, Indiana.

 

Various kinds of squash make pies that can challenge or beat pumpkin. My maternal grandmother was one of the best pie-makers who ever lived. She got hold of some squash one time that were as big as pumpkins, with long curved necks. They were a very pale yellowish-green in color, about like ripe honeydew melons. She turned them into the best Thanksgiving pies I had ever tasted.

Nice!

 

I remember when I made that picture thread from when I went to the Pumpkin Show in Podunk-Circleville. It got like 1 response and probably like 7 views. Someone was like, "Why did you go there?" I lived in Pickaway County for a while when I was young; nothing like ODing on funnel cakes and checking out the 1000 pound pumpkins. I want to carve one of those beasts with some demoniacal-looking face to really scare the sh!t out of kids around here, hehe.

embed a hidden webcam so you can see what their costumes are, and a receiver and speaker so you can address them in some costume-specific threatening way. :evil:

I got unpasteurized cider this past weekend from my hometown orchard, Apple Hill in Mansfield.    You can pick your own apples there as well.  http://www.applehill.biz/

embed a hidden webcam so you can see what their costumes are, and a receiver and speaker so you can address them in some costume-specific threatening way. :evil:

 

That genius! But evil as hell at the same time. We're like the dynamic duo. This is why ADD people shouldn't associate. I have an HD video cam with night vision; I just need to figure out how to access it remotely.

"and umm, Mayday IIRC I believe you technically grew up in city limits.."

 

Nope - about 1,500 feet from the city limits.

"and umm, Mayday IIRC I believe you technically grew up in city limits.."

 

Nope - about 1,500 feet from the city limits.

 

oops

my bad....

embed a hidden webcam so you can see what their costumes are, and a receiver and speaker so you can address them in some costume-specific threatening way. :evil:

 

That genius! But evil as hell at the same time. We're like the dynamic duo. This is why ADD people shouldn't associate. I have an HD video cam with night vision; I just need to figure out how to access it remotely.

 

Hallowe'en can be fun in a macabre way, but our culture has made it all cutesy and stupid. One year I bought an over-the-head mask that looked realistically like a wrinkled old man, and I outfitted myself with a raincoat, a rumpled old black fedora, and some old shoes with no socks. Under the raincoat I wore just denim shorts and a wife beater, so that when the outfit was all assembled, especially in low light, I looked like a very real grotesque old flasher. I accessorized with a bottle of cheap wine in a paper bag, with the bag peeled back around the neck.

 

I had been invited to two parties, both in my neighborhood. Walking to the first one I came up to an intersection where a car was waiting at a stop sign for traffic to clear. The male driver and female passenger were outfitted in standard off-the-shelf hallowe'en getup, and completely preoccupied in conversation and watching traffic. I walked up to the passenger side and tapped on the window and held out the wine bottle as if offering a drink. The woman turned and saw me and shrieked, and the driver made a hard right into traffic and floored it. Probably suburbanites who already were nervous about being in an urban neighborhood.

 

The first party was in a house on a dimly-lit street, and I could see through the shoulder-high front windows that guests were gathered in the living room and the party was getting under way. I simply stood at the window with my face near the glass, peering in and waiting. It took about thirty seconds before someone noticed me and froze. Reflexively the other dozen or so partiers looked to see what had him transfixed, and then a collective scream rang out. I ducked out of sight and waited a couple of minutes before going to the door and ringing the bell.

 

The second party was nearby, hosted by a drama queen I knew from work. The door had a knocker, so I ignored the bell and gave three well-spaced, loud knocks. When the host answered, I held out the wine bottle. He yelled, slapped me hard, and slammed the door in my face. I had to wait a while to try again, and when he opened the door I quickly identified myself.

 

I wouldn't try any of that nowadays. There are too many paranoid people with guns.

^That's hilarious. And you're right. You'd probably be tackled, cuffed and in the back of a squad car before they even figured out it was a mask.

 

Ok, so here's my pet peeve for today. Deer. Specifically deer that have decided life is too much to bear and want to commit suicide on Rt 271. Well, congrats, you got your wish.

 

Excuse me now, I have to go hose some fur, and what I think is brain matter, off the side of my car....

I believe Deer cause more human deaths in the U.S. than any other animal.

 

I live right by the Euclid Creek reservation and their population has absolutely exploded around my neighborhood in the past 5 years, especially since the Cutter's Creek development tore down a good chunk of their habitat.  And they are quickly growing numb to human presence.  They used to run away.  Now, they barely budge as you walk past.

It's illegal to hunt deer in the suburbs, but I wonder if it's legal if you just tackle them and put them in a submission hold while yelling, "Leave my hostas alone!"

It's illegal to hunt deer in the suburbs, but I wonder if it's legal if you just tackle them and put them in a submission hold while yelling, "Leave my hostas alone!"

 

Trust me, I've thought about that. I've taken a scorched earth policy with regard to my hostas. I just mow them to the ground, rather than let those  beasts eat them. They're furry cucarachas.

Hahaha Rob, that is so awesome. 

It definitely seems like there are more deer in urban areas recently and they also seem less afraid of people.  I have seen them around CWRU in the city limits and the other day one slowly pranced across the street in front of my car around JCU, in no hurry to get out of the way.  Also, this summer, on my way down to an Indians game on the Green Line there were about 5 deer just off to the side of Shaker just before Lee.

Oh no, nothing - NOTHING tops the day I'm driving eastbound on the Abbey Avenue bridge and then everyone is just slamming on their brakes - I'm thinking WTflyingF??? There's no emergency vehicle, so hit the big pedal on the right, jack@sses!

 

A few seconds later, a *big* six-point buck is just leisurely trotting westbound in the opposite lane, past all of us stopped on the bridge. I mean, I know Lincoln Park in Tremont is about as wooded as it gets near there - but a big six point buck?!?  :-o

Mayday, that's  crazy. I like AJ's idea that we should start tackling them to show the deer who is boss.

 

My carpool mate gets deer in his yard on Clifton in Lakewood over by West Clifton intersection. It's nuts. They must come up from the metroparks through Clifton park, because there are no woods around there at all.

 

I work in Akron and run on the towpath trail north of downtown at lunch. Last week or so, there were three deer standing on the side f the trail at noon and they were just looking at me as I ran up and they didn't finally run away until I was about 20 ft away. I was half expecting them to attack me "Tommy Boy" style. They really didn't care that I was there.

There are deer in the Toledo Metroparks that will let you get up to 5ft from them and just stare at you blankly while they feed.  I don't recommend approaching them; I just happened to round a corner and found myself standing next to a deer one day while at Swan Creek.

A couple of years ago a friend and I were walking in the Rocky River Reservation and we saw a trophy buck not 15 feet from us.  I wouldn't have tackled that one, it would have tackled me.  Anyway, there was another trophy buck not 20 feet from it, and another across the street, maybe 75 or so feet away.  I didn't know that they would tolerate each other like that (or humans that close).  It's a little unsettling to be that close to a fairly powerful wild animal, let alone 3.

I'd be leery of happening upon a solitary buck; locally, I've heard of them getting aggressive toward harvesting machinery and even attacking an occupied, moving pickup truck in a cornfield being harvested near a woods.

 

A couple of years ago I was walking one of the trails in a wooded area of Indiana Dunes State Park on a foggydamp, chilly October morning, not paying much attention to anything ahead because I couldn't see very far in the fog. Mostly I was looking at the shrubs along the trail and the leaves underfoot, when movement registered in my peripheral vision. I looked up to discover I had almost walked into a large, healthy-looking doe. She was looking at me, and I was less than three feet away when she turned away and casually ambled off into the woods. Since then, I've seen deer often on or near the roads in that area, and I think most people in the beach communities have given up on trying to grow ornamental plants.

 

Especially in the rural smaller towns, when the auto body shop guys talk about deer season, they're not necessarily talking about hunting. More likely, they're referring to the time of year when they accumulate a sizable waiting list of owners who need major repairs to their cars.

Well this particular ex-deer just caused my car $4,600 in damage. On the upside, I got a Charger as my rental. On the downside, it smells like sh!t. So here's another pet peeve. People who smoke in rental cars. You've just sullied that car for everyone for the rest of the life of that car. I've febreezed it 3x since I got it yesterday and still it stinks.

Well this particular ex-deer just caused my car $4,600 in damage. On the upside, I got a Charger as my rental. On the downside, it smells like sh!t.

 

On the upside, you're OK.

 

So here's another pet peeve. People who smoke in rental cars. You've just sullied that car for everyone for the rest of the life of that car. I've febreezed it 3x since I got it yesterday and still it stinks.

 

We hate smoke.  My wife loves Febreeze.  She would have emptied the bottle on the car and if it didn't smell better after that, taken it back.

 

I don't think smokers are aware of how much they stink everything up because they're so used to smelling it themselves.

Cigarettes started smelling a lot worse after they went "fire safe" two years ago.

Well this particular ex-deer just caused my car $4,600 in damage. On the upside, I got a Charger as my rental. On the downside, it smells like sh!t. So here's another pet peeve. People who smoke in rental cars. You've just sullied that car for everyone for the rest of the life of that car. I've febreezed it 3x since I got it yesterday and still it stinks.

 

There were a lot of deer along the sides of I-90 in NY last night.  For a while, we were seeing one every few miles.  It was really starting to worry the mister that we might eventually hit one!

It's not as common as it used to be but non-smoking hotel rooms that smell like smoke was a pet peeve of mine, especially when they didn't have any other rooms to switch into.

 

 

 

Also wrecking your car, that sucks too. I have been without mine for 3 weeks now. Apparently I did not have the rental car rider, so we have been with one care for 3 weeks now. I will be adding that in the near future.

 

 

 

Cigarettes started smelling a lot worse after they went "fire safe" two years ago.

 

Cigarettes have always smelled terrible.

I'd be leery of happening upon a solitary buck

 

The bucks are intimidating, but it is "Momma Deer" that scares me.  The smaller the baby, the more dangerous the situation too.  I think I told this story before, but my 100 German Shepherd got too close to a newborn deer near the creek in the back of our house a few years ago and Momma was having that.  She chased him down and jumped on his back.  Not sure what would have happened if I wasn't able to cause such a ruckus to scare her off.  My dog was fine... although his ego was certainly bruised as he is just used to the deer running away from him.  He's a very big GS.

Well this particular ex-deer just caused my car $4,600 in damage. On the upside, I got a Charger as my rental. On the downside, it smells like sh!t. So here's another pet peeve. People who smoke in rental cars. You've just sullied that car for everyone for the rest of the life of that car. I've febreezed it 3x since I got it yesterday and still it stinks.

 

You wouldn't believe how many people smoke and leave ASHES all over our cars.  It's ridiculous.  I really wish there was a penalty/charge for smoking in the vehicles.

Rental cars should be equipped with engine-disabling smoke detectors that can only be reset by a code sent from the rental agency, for a $100 charge. If the renter refuses the charge, he forfeits the car without any refund of rental charges.

Rental cars should be equipped with engine-disabling smoke detectors that can only be reset by a code sent from the rental agency, for a $100 charge. If the renter refuses the charge, he forfeits the car without any refund of rental charges.

 

I like the idea of the smoke detector, but instead of shutting down the car, I'd prefer if they replaced the airbags with a giant spring loaded boxing glove, that is triggered by the smoke detector. No extra charge.

...and a hidden camera streaming over the internet, of course.

Does anyone else here HATE their brother-in-law?

 

GOD I hate my brother-in-law. What a loser. I'm trying to convince my sister to dump him but you can't get through to some people when they're "in love"  ::) I don't think she realizes that she can do much better.

 

David, I thought you read my book?  "Feel my wrath:  How to make your In-Laws, Ex in-laws" [in some markets its titled "Feel my wrath:  How you like me now ---t?!"]  It was a NY Times best seller!

 

Over the past 6 months I've

• Made my ex skank in-law regret the day she met me.  If she so much as says my name, I'll have her ass arrested!
  
• Reveled the skanks sisters infidelity (it's some hoes in that family)
  
• Had her brother arrested for a parole violation and non payment of child support
  
• Made her parents lives very..very...very uncomfortable.
  

 

and I'm just getting warmed up!  >:D  >:D  >:D  >:D

Does anyone else here HATE their brother-in-law?

 

GOD I hate my brother-in-law. What a loser. I'm trying to convince my sister to dump him but you can't get through to some people when they're "in love" ::) I don't think she realizes that she can do much better.

 

David, I thought you read my book? "Feel my wrath: How to make your In-Laws, Ex in-laws" [in some markets its titled "Feel my wrath: How you like me now ---t?!"] It was a NY Times best seller!

 

Over the past 6 months I've

• Made my ex skank in-law regret the day she met me. If she so much as says my name, I'll have her ass arrested!
  
• Reveled the skanks sisters infidelity (it's some hoes in that family)
  
• Had her brother arrested for a parole violation and non payment of child support
  
• Made her parents lives very..very...very uncomfortable.
  

and I'm just getting warmed up! >:D   >:D   >:D   >:D

 

I want an autographed first edition! You know I seek out collectables as a side hustle.

If you want to see deer, take a vacation to Fripp Island, SC. They are literally everywhere. They are also very comfortable around humans because, for better or worse, tourists feed them.

 

While you are there may have a weird feeling that the island looks a lot like Vietnam as portrayed in Forrest Gump.

 

I see deer right now. I'm eating a deer burger. There's like 40 pounds of it in my freezer. Bambi you are delicious!

If you want to see deer, take a vacation to Fripp Island, SC. They are literally everywhere. They are also very comfortable around humans because, for better or worse, tourists feed them.

 

While you are there may have a weird feeling that the island looks a lot like Vietnam as portrayed in Forrest Gump.

 

I can already hear that Jimi Hendrix song that's in every Vietnam movie.

Does anyone else here HATE their brother-in-law?

 

GOD I hate my brother-in-law. What a loser. I'm trying to convince my sister to dump him but you can't get through to some people when they're "in love"  ::) I don't think she realizes that she can do much better.

 

David, I thought you read my book?  "Feel my wrath:  How to make your In-Laws, Ex in-laws" [in some markets its titled "Feel my wrath:  How you like me now ---t?!"]  It was a NY Times best seller!

 

Over the past 6 months I've

• Made my ex skank in-law regret the day she met me.  If she so much as says my name, I'll have her ass arrested!
  
• Reveled the skanks sisters infidelity (it's some hoes in that family)
  
• Had her brother arrested for a parole violation and non payment of child support
  
• Made her parents lives very..very...very uncomfortable.
  

 

and I'm just getting warmed up!  >:D    >:D    >:D    >:D

 

I want an autographed first edition! You know I seek out collectables as a side hustle.

 

A collectible?  My book is for people who are serious about eliminating their in-laws.

 

You want to get rid of the skank-in-law or are you just flapping your gums?

Understanding people who buy "smart" phones/devices, yet don't know how to use them.

 

Why buy a smart phone if you don't know how to use it or customize the device so that it is more user friendly and fits your lifestyle?

I hate cell phones so much that I can only bring myself to have a stupid phone from 2004.

I hate cell phones so much that I can only bring myself to have a stupid phone from 2004.