My daughter received an invitation to a high school graduation party from a classmate.  It is being held at a local park.  It was a very nice invitation, appeared to be professionally done, but something any kid could have done on a computer.

 

Here's the problem, the invitation stated:  Alcoholic beverages provided.

 

Now I know this breaks every law in the books.  Minors, public intoxication, etc. etc. No, I am not naive and think that no drinking goes on, but I have a serious problem with an invitation that spells it out.  I'm not sure how to handle it, other than the fact that my daughter WILL NOT be at that party. 

 

I don't know if the parents had condoned this, or if they are buying the beer, etc. or if they even know.

Should I not do anything, and some young girl gets drunk and drives off and kills herself or someone else, I would never be able to forgive myself.

 

Options could include some or all of the following:

1)  Calling the parents and telling them off.

2)  Notifying the school principal.

3)  Informing the police.

4) Spreading the word to other parents.

 

What would you do?

If it's spelled out on the invitation I would assume that the parents know about it...otherwise you have some really bold kids making up these invitations that they should know would prompt any reasonable parent to turn their head.

 

As for what you should do...give me about 10-20 years and some parenthood under my belt and I'll get back with you.  :-D

You will make a good politician one day!!!!  And no, I won't tell you where the party is!

I think it's a really stupid idea to have the party in a park. Rangers patrol parks like crazy; especially in the west side suburbs. It seems like the parents could easily get in trouble for that. If parents get caught supplying alcohol they're probably going to jail or getting a big fine. I went to parties in High school where parents hosted it and let us drink. We were all 18, had to hand over our keys to the parents and everyone stayed the night.  In this situation, since it's a public park, people are inevitably going to be driving home. If they're going to drink, they need to do it responsibly. I would probably talk to other parents about it. Find a safer solution.

I would call the parent and ask them if they had designed the invitations. If yes, then scold them. If not, then inform them of the "invitations." I wouldn't go as far as to call the police, but inform the parents that the police frequently monitor the park.

although it's conceivable that a parent was involved in this--depending on how liberal an area you're in lol--I doubt it. Any parent should be smart enough to know that actually having printed evidence that alcohol is being served to minors would make them legally culpable (no where on the invitation does it state the party will be under parental supervision, does it?  There have been a couple of cases in the New York area over the past year or so--in the suburbs--in which parents actually served alcohol to teenagers while "hosting" a party and were arrested because the events got so raucous and out of hand). I would first contact one or two parents with whom you're friendly--if any--and "discuss" the situation with them, before taking more severe steps--like contacting authorities, etc.

 

    It it were me, I would just stay out of it. It's not your fault if someone else's kid dies.

Underage drinking does not lead to deaths. Irresponsible drinking does, and is a reason why DUI's are starkly higher here in the states than in Europe, where many legally begin drinking at the age of 16 or lower. That said, I wonder how these kids are being transported to the park -- by their parents? I'd hate to see some kids drink and then drive, especially at their age.

What local ordinances apply to that park regarding alcohol?

 

If a teen drinking party gets busted, your daughter could end up in court even if she wasn't drinking. If you don't want her to risk getting an arrest record, the least you should do is keep your her away from there.

 

Any chance you could get together with other parents and have a supervised party at the same time, to make you know where the kids are?

We had a very similar party when I graduated high school- at a local park, alcohol very openly served (though not advertised beforehand).  Everyone stayed the night in tents, police looked the other way.

No questions asked, I would not allow my child to attend.  Although I believe that the drinking age should be 18, I cannot advocate illegal behavior since it would undermine my authority as a parent. I would not tell anyone about the party other than maybe a close friend.  It should be pretty obvious that I came from a strict household.

My daughter received an invitation to a high school graduation party from a classmate.  It is being held at a local park.  It was a very nice invitation, appeared to be professionally done, but something any kid could have done on a computer.

 

Here's the problem, the invitation stated:  Alcoholic beverages provided.

 

Now I know this breaks every law in the books.  Minors, public intoxication, etc. etc. No, I am not naive and think that no drinking goes on, but I have a serious problem with an invitation that spells it out.  I'm not sure how to handle it, other than the fact that my daughter WILL NOT be at that party. 

 

I don't know if the parents had condoned this, or if they are buying the beer, etc. or if they even know.

Should I not do anything, and some young girl gets drunk and drives off and kills herself or someone else, I would never be able to forgive myself.

 

Options could include some or all of the following:

1)  Calling the parents and telling them off.

2)  Notifying the school principal.

3)  Informing the police.

4) Spreading the word to other parents.

 

What would you do?

 

I would do:

1, 3 & 4.  This is a not on school grounds, so the principal might not be able to do anything.  I would call the park the party is going to be held.

 

Your daughter may be upset, but she will learn a valuable lesson about making correct choices.

 

If it's spelled out on the invitation I would assume that the parents know about it...otherwise you have some really bold kids making up these invitations that they should know would prompt any reasonable parent to turn their head.

 

As for what you should do...give me about 10-20 years and some parenthood under my belt and I'll get back with you.  :-D

Assume?  Although I'm not a parent, I been around kids long enough to know assume nothing.  If the parents are OK with this, to me they lack judgement and without knowing the "host" family, I would say they are very irresponsible and are laying the foundation for some fucked up kids!

 

Tough one. I'm not a parent but I would suggest if your daughter wants to go bad enough...go with her so you can supervise.

Supervise?  WTF?  You are then a party to the illegal behavior!!

 

No questions asked, I would not allow my child to attend.  Although I believe that the drinking age should be 18, I cannot advocate illegal behavior since it would undermine my authority as a parent. I would not tell anyone about the party other than maybe a close friend.  It should be pretty obvious that I came from a strict household.

Sounds like you had parents with common sense!    But I would still go off.

I'd call the parents first and find out if they know what was on the invitation. If they do, then rip them a new one, and make a phone call to the police. If it were me, I'd rather not feel guilty if someone got drunk and did something stupid at a party like this.

We had a very similar party when I graduated high school- at a local park, alcohol very openly served (though not advertised beforehand)...

 

Same here.  We actually gathered around a grill in Mt Airy forest and burned books as I recall.

Youre problem in this case is your child, and if youre not going to let him/her go to the party then leave it at that. The invitations say that alcohol is being provided so that parents can decide whether or not their kids can go. Im sure there are many other partys going on this time of the year that provide alcohol but the invitations make no mention of it, at all (including a lot that i went to when i had friends graduating high school). I dont see the need to get the school administration or the police involved in this one, and if other parents dont read the invitation it is their fault, not yours. Underage drinking is a topic for another thread and im not going to go into my views on it.

Drop a copy of the flyer off at the police station and let nature take its course.

I don't know what you should do, but I do lament the fact that young adults are not brought into the age of drinking with other more mature adults, where they can learn how to have a good time within moderation.

When they do learn how to drink its taught by other 17-21 year olds.  Since it is forbidden fruit, and you never know when the party will be busted by the cops, better drink as much as you can as fast as you can.  These days, it is just not beer, I've been around 20 year olds who can throw back a bottle of Jack Daniels.

 

So, do what you feel is right.  I just would really like to see the drinking age lowered to 19 to curb the binge drinking culture that exists with 18-21 year olds, that spills over into these kids adult lives.

 

(full disclosure, I am a bartender who is looking to own a bar...someday.  But, I do not serve people who are already overserved.  The most belligerent drunks are the 21 to 24 year olds, and each year it gets worse)

I don't know what you should do, but I do lament the fact that young adults are not brought into the age of drinking with other more mature adults, where they can learn how to have a good time within moderation.

When they do learn how to drink its taught by other 17-21 year olds. Since it is forbidden fruit, and you never know when the party will be busted by the cops, better drink as much as you can as fast as you can. These days, it is just not beer, I've been around 20 year olds who can throw back a bottle of Jack Daniels.

 

So, do what you feel is right. I just would really like to see the drinking age lowered to 19 to curb the binge drinking culture that exists with 18-21 year olds, that spills over into these kids adult lives.

 

(full disclosure, I am a bartender who is looking to own a bar...someday. But, I do not serve people who are already overserved. The most belligerent drunks are the 21 to 24 year olds, and each year it gets worse)

 

Being underage is not the problem with underage drinking, it is the underage uneducated individual that is the problem.

There is already a thread on the legal drinking age debate.

I thought you couldn't drink in most parks.....

Personally, we have probably avoided a LOT of trouble by drinking at mine or a friends house with parents there...

Drop a copy of the flyer off at the police station and let nature take its course.

Bingo. and if 18, I would strongly discourage your daughter from attending so she does not get dragged into it. If she is 17 I would not let her go . These kids also need to learn a lesson about discretion. I cannot believe they are advertising it. Anyway if I were a parent to any of these kids, I would not feel comfortable doing nothing.

Is it possible that the parents made the invitation, and are letting the adults that are invited know that alcoholic beverages are provided.  I just don't see how anyone could be so stupid to send those out knowing that the parents of one of the kids could be a Cop.

Drop a copy of the flyer off at the police station and let nature take its course.

Bingo. and if 18, I would strongly discourage your daughter from attending so she does not get dragged into it. If she is 17 I would not let her go . These kids also need to learn a lesson about discretion. I cannot believe they are advertising it. Anyway if I were a parent to any of these kids, I would not feel comfortable doing nothing.

It's possible if you drop off a copy of the invite to the police now, they could make a phone call to the parents, put the fear of God into them, and prevent the party from kicking off as planned and thus prevent any arrests during the party.

You have to keep in mind also, this invitation went out to a wide range of people, mainly family of this kid.  In all likelihood, the parents aren't intending for a wild, drunken kid party.

Drop a copy of the flyer off at the police station and let nature take its course.

Bingo. and if 18, I would strongly discourage your daughter from attending so she does not get dragged into it. If she is 17 I would not let her go . These kids also need to learn a lesson about discretion. I cannot believe they are advertising it. Anyway if I were a parent to any of these kids, I would not feel comfortable doing nothing.

It's possible if you drop off a copy of the invite to the police now, they could make a phone call to the parents, put the fear of God into them, and prevent the party from kicking off as planned and thus prevent any arrests during the party.

 

Thats like the police that stops the drunk from getting in his car before he drives away versus letting the guy get in the car, start the car, make a turn out of the parking lot, then light him up and give him a DUI. It would be nice if they did something like that, but chances are they let the party go off then bust it up knowing theyll get a crap ton of money in fines.

I would be concerned that whoever printed the smoking-gun flyers is also careless enough to not run this party very well.  I would avoid it.  There will be other parties.  In my youth, if the illegal party was at the park (which it frequently was), it was under threat of police action from beginning to end, and many such parties were indeed busted.

AS I said in the first post.  She will not be going under any circumstances!

^then let that be the end of it, let the other parents decide for their children

hmm, tough one.

 

well for sure i'd explain exactly what you say here to your daughter and keep her away from it.

 

other than that, given the known facts that they basically hung themselves with that invite i think i'd stay out of anything else. ok maybe at most i might give the invite to the cops. as someone said, i would hope they would call the family and yell at them to call it off. there is absolutely no need to confront the family, this is clearly illegal activity and that's what the police are for. i am sure the police would be glad to know about this kind of thing during graduation party season so they can put a halt to it before it starts.

 

it's a bit of a dilemma, let us know what you decide will ya?

 

 

 

 

 

It's interesting to see the response to this from those 30 and under and how they mostly on one side of the spectrum from those 31 and up.

 

As a grade A snitch, I say call the cops!

I have to do something.  If I heard something on the news that night, I would never be able to forgive myself.  I need to identify the parents and at least ask them if they know about it.  Their response will determine my next steps.

I have to do something.  If I heard something on the news that night, I would never be able to forgive myself.  I need to identify the parents and at least ask them if they know about it.  Their response will determine my next steps.

 

Sounds like a plan!  What has your daughter said?  Aparently you've never met these parents.  My parents wouldn't allow us to go to a party unless they met the parents.  We couldn't go to people's homes my parents didn't know.  I know that sounds old fashioned, but today, I think you need to do things like this more than ever.

I can pretty much guarantee the parents know about it.  I have seen many graduation parties in my day (almost every relative and in-law I have is a teacher, let alone ones for people I know) and I have seen alcohol served at some.  In pretty much every case the parents were proudly serving it.  Too many parents want to be "friends" to their kids first, and "parents" second.  Personally, I would notify the police and let them take care of it (after all, it's their job and we have laws for a reason, to prevent the situation you're afraid of happening).

DanB, did you consider that perhaps this graduation party includes friends and family members, and that the "alcoholic beverages provided" was in reference to the adults being able to partake in said beverages?

My guess is that is probably the case.  The problem is it was also sent to my daughter.

DanB, did you consider that perhaps this graduation party includes friends and family members, and that the "alcoholic beverages provided" was in reference to the adults being able to partake in said beverages?

 

Possible, but I wouldn't bet on it.  I know of many parents who throw parties with alcohol for their kids and their kids' friends, especially graduation parties.

DanB, did you consider that perhaps this graduation party includes friends and family members, and that the "alcoholic beverages provided" was in reference to the adults being able to partake in said beverages?

 

Having a bit of common sense, I would think that if that was the case, there would a) be no need to mention alcohol b) they would note the "alcohol being served" is for adults.

 

However since we don't know this people we cannot assume.  Just my 2 cents.

DanB, just so I have this straight, you think 18 year olds are mature enough to go off to war, but not mature enough to have beer at a graduation party supervised by adults?

DanB, did you consider that perhaps this graduation party includes friends and family members, and that the "alcoholic beverages provided" was in reference to the adults being able to partake in said beverages?

 

Possible, but I wouldn't bet on it.  I know of many parents who throw parties with alcohol for their kids and their kids' friends, especially graduation parties.

How does this happen, if I would so much as touch a bottle, my mother would have beat me over the head with it.

^wasn't it legal for you to have a beer at 18? (3.2beer?)

This isnt youre graduation party or your childs party, so why do you feel the need to have it broken up by the police (which is what they will do). I highly doubt they take the resources to go over to this familys house and have a talk with them about how they shouldnt give alcohol to underagers. Your child got the invite to the party, if you dont want him/her going then thats fine, but i dont see the need to get the police involved. And if you do call them, i hope that no one under 21 is drinking when the police show up to try to bust this thing up.

^wasn't it legal for you to have a beer at 18? (3.2beer?)

No.  It changed the year I turned 18!  :P

This isnt youre graduation party or your childs party, so why do you feel the need to have it broken up by the police (which is what they will do). I highly doubt they take the resources to go over to this familys house and have a talk with them about how they shouldnt give alcohol to underagers. Your child got the invite to the party, if you dont want him/her going then thats fine, but i dont see the need to get the police involved. And if you do call them, i hope that no one under 21 is drinking when the police show up to try to bust this thing up.

 

ummmm, my guess is, giving/serving "spirits" to a minor/a person under 21 is illegal!

This isnt youre graduation party or your childs party, so why do you feel the need to have this graduation party broken up by the police (which is what they will do). I highly doubt they take the resources to go over to this familys house and have a talk with them about how they shouldnt give alcohol to underagers. Your child got the invite to the party, if you dont want him/her going then thats fine, but i dont see the need to get the police involved. And if you do call them, i hope that no one under 21 is drinking when the police show up to try to bust this thing up.

 

It's at a public park.  People will have to drive home from here.  30 year olds can't handle the responsibility of having a designated driver.  Do you think 18 year olds will?  Something could happen to these kids driving home, and (even worse IMO) a completely innocent person could be hurt or killed by their stupid decisions.  If these people are truly dumb enough to advertise this, I doubt they make good enough decisions to keep everyone safe.  Besides, there are probably going to be 16 and 17 yearf olds at the party as well, many graduating seniors have some younger friends.

My guess is that is probably the case.  The problem is it was also sent to my daughter.

 

Which makes perfect sense, as she's the friend of the host, not you.  And yes, many graduation parties involve underage drinking allowed by the parents of the host, but there's no reason to assume that that's the case here.  Why?  Because many graduation parties are also family events.  Aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors, etc.  Considering that it's being held at a park, I think it's a lot more likely to fall into this category.

 

But feel free everyone to jump to conclusions and rant about parent allowed underage drinking.  :)

FYI:it is not illegal in Ohio to have a parent serve alcohol to their children.  For instance, many European families have wine with dinner, so it is not illeagal to have the parent serve wine to thier child. 

I would not notify the police unless you live in a crime-free town and they need to be kept awake.  We have laws for a lot of different reasons, and my skeptical opinion about this law is detailed in another thread.  It is curious to me that anyone of any age could be mature enough for contracts and artillery fire, but not for beer.  Live and let live.

 

Calling the parents, however, sounds more than appropriate.  As many people have pointed out here, that invitation is a red flag.  Sounds like something that might not be well run.   

FYI:it is not illegal in Ohio to have a parent serve alcohol to their children.  For instance, many European families have wine with dinner, so it is not illeagal to have the parent serve wine to thier child. 

 

Thanks for that info, but the key words are

 

                        a parent serve alcohol to their children.

 

 

 

This isnt youre graduation party or your childs party, so why do you feel the need to have this graduation party broken up by the police (which is what they will do). I highly doubt they take the resources to go over to this familys house and have a talk with them about how they shouldnt give alcohol to underagers. Your child got the invite to the party, if you dont want him/her going then thats fine, but i dont see the need to get the police involved. And if you do call them, i hope that no one under 21 is drinking when the police show up to try to bust this thing up.

 

Besides, there are probably going to be 16 and 17 yearf olds at the party as well, many graduating seniors have some younger friends.

 

a lot of graduating seniors are only 17 (I was), depending on the age cutoff point for the school system when you first entered.